"How to take 5 attractive young men and make them look completely terrible."
Subtitle: Arashi gets wet - what could possibly go wrong?
Their 14th released PV, let's take a look at the horror that is Lucky Man. And think, what an excellent introduction to Arashi if you're still unawares! 8D
So here's where it starts folks.
A group of fans cheering Arashi, as the boys themselves crowd surf by in shiny, shiny outfits.
This is not good.
The video soon takes us to the main staging for the centerpiece of this video - Arashi dancing a cool hip routine on water. Which, hey, the concept of walking on water in a video was cool enough for The Cars, so.
Though, at this point in his career, someone should have probably stopped MatsuJun, smacked his hand and said, NO! NO! HIP POPPERS DO NOT BALLET HAND!
Ohno, our leader, spends most of the video apparently getting molested and or violently poked in the butt.
No, really.
Ohno Satoshi weeps for his abused anus.
Meanwhile...
MatsuJun seems positively orgasmic...
He spends the video being rather pleased with himself. Or high from the crowd surfing butt poke-a-thon, you pick.
And the hair, we shall say nothing about, as it is his Momo hair.
and I sort of like it...what?
Nino spends the video painfully aware of how ridiculous they all look.
Sho spends the video painfully oblivious of how ridiculous he looks, though.
No, really.
And starts practicing for Kamen Rider Sho-han.
And Aiba discovers for the very first time that the thing in his pants responds to touch, sound, and jam.
No, no, no.
Actually, Aiba spends the video being gorgeous, which pretty much goes against the theme of the video.
Oh Aiba, you can't do anything right, can you?
(No really - so pretty. Ignore the fact that my lame capping self managed to capture him in a large mouth bass moment.)
The video moves from Arashi and their respective Lucky Man reactions in front of various green balance balls to various blue balance balls.
Where they're doused in water, creating some of the least sexy faces ever.
Because it's not a stream of water.
It's a fucking fire hose.
Which only proceeds to continue molesting Ohno in a not happy way...
And to further confuse MatsuJun, because even if he were at a metal concert, standing like that would probably get him beaten to death...and if not that, then they'd certainly hang him for the pants...
And tragedy of tragedies. Nino's right falsie springs a leak. I told you to go with chicken cutlets.
They're still dancing, btw. Intercut with these scenes of carnage, lots and lots of dancing. It wasn't that interesting to cap but this one of course is golden for Sho's HELLLOOOOOO! skippy pose there.
After hosing down our idols (and causing lots and lots of bruises), the video offers a brief glimpse into the inner soul of our boys. By putting them in shiny pajamas.
No matter how silly he seems, Sho harbors an inner sense of pride and, in his head, commands respect.
In his soul, Aiba's hot. But slightly pissy that I keep taking bad screencaps of him.
Deep within his soul, MatsuJun....is...exactly the same. As it should be, then.
Inside, our commanding Leader is tired of being molested in the butt.
And Nino will cut a bitch.
People talk about being afraid of pissing off MatsuJun; I think I'm more concerned with getting on Nino's bad side. oo
The video then, inexplicably, asks the boys to give their best blowjob faces. Because after introducing them in shiny outfits, making them dance on water, and exposing their inner secrets, the only thing left is...? Well you tell me! (Read: FourFour's Rich and his ANTM recaps did this to me, I cannot be blamed.)
Sho thinks this is unpleasant. He gets a 3.
Aiba is confused on how this works without a daikon radish. A 4.
Ohno has flashbacks. The horror. The horror. 6.
Oh! A veteran! Still, poor MatsuJun looks like he's going to cry. 8.
Nino says, "Amateurs," and shows them all.
In case you forgot, more dancing in shiny outfits on water.
And so, where does that leave us at the end?
Ohno finally gets some relief...
MatsuJun is still inexplicably pleased with himself...and possibly stuck in a certain 80's music video...but most likely not...
Nino has changed his mind - this isn't all terribly stupid and lame. Things are looking up.
But even Nino gets tired of molesting Ohno.
Sho is going to hunt me down and kick my ass for making fun of his serious acting and video posing.
And Aiba mistakes himself for Jesus Christ, because no one told him that dancing on water was made possible by the use of handy plexiglass sheets.
...oh, and...moral of this story?
Aiba manages to stay hot despite everyone else looking like crap.
If you don't believe me, you can see for yourself by looking up the Lucky Man vid on YouTube. Just don't complain if the shiny outfits make you dizzy and or blind.
MWA!