Anyway, we can't pass this auspicious day(s) without celebrating! And what better PV to skewer for the 9th Anniversary than the 9th PV, Nice na Kokoroiki? (Had I been smart, I would have made it the 9th installment instead of the 10th but oh well. My foresight can only see down the street.)
By the way, I think I should now make it a point to state that my PV chronology that I always list? I was using a third party source, but have now revised it using actual release dates. That's why you may see All or Nothing listed as the ninth some places - but it's really not. I'll go by this list from now on, despite its shortcomings.
Back to why this is totally appropriate! Celebrating 9 years together as a group is best done by Nice na Kokoroiki. Why?
Nothing says, "I completely appreciate being in this group so that I can make a living running around and being all gay and fluffy in outrageous outfits while occasionally singing and in some cases acting and getting my picture taken instead of having to do crap like a real life job!" like a video set in an office.
Arashi have lied to us before. I mean, really, did you see any Superboys in A.Ra.Shi? No. But they know - fool fans once, shame on us; fool fans eight times in one day, shame on the director. As a result, they tried to put forth the most accurate portrayal of office worker life as possible, at least office life as they understand it.
And having been an office worker myself, I can say they got some things right.
For example, in allowing members to represent typical office workers, Arashi proposes that there are two types of OWs (as we'll call them) in the world: 1) Those who like their jobs; 2) Those who don't.
Of course, there are subcategories here as well. If you like your office job, you're one of the following:
1A) You honestly like your job.
For this to occur, you need to be middle management where you have no responsibility but all the power to whip the staff into shape, ala Ohno here.
Coming to work every day is a pure joy for you because it reminds you that there's nothing pathetic about your life at all. Regardless of what the peons say.
I would venture that casting Ohno in this role was wise as he is the completely powerless "leader" of Arashi. Surely he must have dreams where he takes a whip to the backside of Ninomiya for not learning that dance step fast enough.
...though I'm not sure that really relates to what we're talking about here...*cough*
or
Sho: Praise me? Praise me? I did good, praise me? Praise me? Compliment my stapling?
1B) You enjoy work because it reinforces your need to be evaluated.
Most likely, you were one of those kids in school who always got As and the one time you got a B you stayed after to argue about the merits of including information on elephants in your book-report of "Ralph S. Mouse."
On the flip side of things, if you don't like your job:
2A) You're one of those people who works really hard...
...but ends up failing completely anyway.
or
2B) You're completely aware of how insignificant pushing car magnets really is. And your bosses know you know it. And they're not going to say a damn thing about it despite your performance...
...for good reason.
Oh, you know what? That isn't true. There aren't just two types of people.
There's the third type, the category I fell into when I worked in an office.
The type that seemingly does well, but doesn't really love or hate work. In fact, the only reason they show up every day is to abuse certain privileges - T3 internet connection, limitless supply of highlighters, getting paid while using the time to work on something completely different...
MatsuJun: Matsumoto Jun here. Reminding you to drink Pepsi Nex! Gives you the energy you need to get through the day with none of the calories!
Of course, Arashi are not office workers and even if they were, I highly doubt the lot of them would stand to be mercilessly deprived of all hope like regular OWs.
To reflect this, they stage a celebration in their little office world promoting the euphoria that comes with realizing your cubicle is not the entire span of the world.
....at least, I think that's celebrating.
It isn't a party until Sho's ass cheeks match the walls...
Of course, no video portrayal of the harsh reality of office work would be complete without horrific bosses.
Nice na Kokoroiki uses these. And a shrill looking screaming lady. I think it goes without saying that I didn't bother to cap these extras so much.
However, they serve a purpose. After all, your response to such monstrous bosses will depend on which category you fell into earlier:
Middle Management isn't bothered. He's already told the peons to give 139% so there's no real responsibility on his part when they fail.
Average Joe that busts his balls just to make a living but ends up failing anyway, however, resents the day he listened to his mother and went into accounting instead of opening that Shaved Ice and Antique Lampshade stand in Pennsylvania like he always dreamed of.
Ulterior Motive Boy could care less, as long as he continues to get air time to shill.
The Suck Up...well The Suck Up feels particularly stressed by unhappy bosses and will often resort to questionable methods in order to keep his 4/5 mid-year evaluation.
MatsuJun: Know what goes great with a blo-
Okay, don't even remotely finish that sentence. vV
And lastly, the Cynic isn't particularly bothered by windbag bosses either.
Cynic dares you to come and make him wrap up his coffee break fifteen seconds early.
By now, you're aware that this being an Arashi video, there must be some dancing here somewhere, right? Well there is (the electric slide! the electric slide!!) but I'm afraid that the boys got a little too much into their various office worker roles.
Like all middle management, Ohno suddenly found it very hard to be at ease in a causal setting with his underlings.
MatsuJun: Know what breaks the ice at parties? A bottle of refreshing, tasty Pepsi Nex.
Hmmm, looks like Ohno isn't quite there yet, Pup. You better give him some more.
Okay that might have been too much...
The other boys had a similar problem.
Aiba tried his hardest, he really did.
But random reams of paper from other offices in the building kept magically hitting him in the back of the head.
Oh Aiba. Maybe you should look for work in a less dangerous field?
Like, poking carnivores with sticks?
Much like Ulterior Motive Boy, MatsuJun was...
...clearly thinking about something besides work.
And Sho could barely make it through the Electric Slide without stopping to ask the director how he did - was that good? Did that work? Do you need more ass cheek? Is my slide funky enough? Does mommy actually love me?
I suppose if there's a second PV rule behind "Aiba Masaki is always gorgeous," it would probably be: "If you ask it, they will dork."
Arashi hardly need a single word to break out their dork sides and dork it all up over the set.
Granted, it comes to some more naturally than others...
Aiba: Worst phone sex ever.
Nino: and then they turned green!
Sho: That's not good, man.
Sho: Same thing happened to Bob a couple of months ago....
MatsuJun: Know what'll clear up Testicle Fungus in a heartbeat? Pepsi Nex.
I will not drink your Pepsi Nex, sir! I WILL NOT!
Besides. Maybe you should stop selling your soul to Pepsi and watch what's going on in the office huh?
What exactly is going on between you and Sho, there, Pup?
Boku no Sexual Harassment! Boku no Sexual Harassment! Hide the corncobs!!
After a long absence, he couldn't stand to be away any longer. His team needed him. Like a storm that comes in from the sea on a cold night, Ohno Satoshi returned with a vengeance to lead his team.
Introducing...
KAMEN RIDER MARSHMALLOW PANTS-HOPPER!
After a while, though, any party starts to lag.
MatsuJun: Know what brings your party back to life? Pe-
ENOUGH. NO MORE PEPSI NEX, MATSUJUN.
Aiba: Now hang on, let's give it a try. MatsuJun might be right.
...fine. Have it your way Aiba.
One Hour Later
Arashi: Wheeeeeeee!
Two Hours Later
Nino: Pepsi Nex makes me feel freeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEE!
Folks, Pepsi Nex might feel good for a couple of hours, but there are some side-effects we need to discuss. Pepsi Nex has been known to cause:
Delusions of Grandeur.
Vulnerability to Molestation Attacks.
(Well you tell me what Nino's doing down there...)
Feelings of Invincibility...
Poor Decision Making...
...and ALL the tears shed afterward.
Aiba: Maybe you had a point. Maybe I should do something before this gets really bad?
Alas, Aiba - it's far too late for Ohno Satoshi now...
Aiba: This has gone on for too long now, I think. No more Pepsi Nex.
Aiba: How'd this whole thing get to be about Pepsi Nex anyway?!
Vv Ask MatsuJun!
Hmph, hope you're happy, Pup.
MatsuJun: Well, actu-
Look at what you've done.
Ohno won't be able to sit for a week. It'll probably be longer before he realizes his name isn't actually "COLLATE ME BABY, COLLATE ME!"
Nino's so out of his brain he thinks life is beautiful.
And Sho's going around telling people that Pepsi Nex is his daddy, which I hear makes Sakurai Sho's real father just a touch upset.
You've turned Arashi into one giant useless orgy filled nut palace all for the sake of selling 2 million more cases of Pepsi Nex just to fund your ridiculously bloated collection of women's jewelry!!!
WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF?!
MatsuJun: Mission Accomplished.
And thus Nice na Kokoroiki ends.
Maybe the next time you have the urge to make a vending machine run, this moral lesson will stick in your brain?
The sponsors of this PV would like to remind you that Pepsi Nex does not in fact cause any of the aforementioned side effects but has been known to give people the ability to fly, shoot laser beams out of their eyes, and be a little bit more like JESUS! Don't believe us? Try a Pepsi Nex today!
MatsuJun needs a new pair of shades!
As always, you can the actual PV on a streaming website. If you look it up on YouTube, you're likely to see one of the nerdy intros Arashi did for this song (like I said, they're hanging on the edge and all you had to do was poke). Most importantly though, if you're sitting there saying to yourself why all the Pepsi Nex - you should probably search for Pepsi Nex CMs as well.
Or...listen to any broadcast of JunStyle... =.=
XD
MWA!