Of course, I say these things and then slap them up on a website so that when people discover PVS six months later, it makes complete and total sense.
Point being, it's time to roll on. As I write, two new Arashi singles loom on the horizon - each promising a new PV. Having 15 done just won't cut it anymore - we gotta go for 16!
And so, that 16 is none other than Arashi's 15th PV, Kotoba Yori Taisetsu na Mono, which there's no way in hell I'm going to type out each time. Especially not if I thought Hitomi no Naka no Galaxy was a pain. (I apparently have some disability when it comes to typing out five word titles?)
Also...way to go me. That's a little odd, having the 15th PV for the 16th PVS. XD I should have used this last time, which would have been a momentous halfway point - aligning numbers and all. But what can I say? Squish Butt beckoned.
But back to ....hmm, not feeling KYTNM, so maybe I'll just call it Kotoba. Back to Kotoba.
Arashi in "casual" wear on the street. Or, rather, Arashi in, amongst other things, a lace top and pastel pink pants - thankfully not on the same person. Because somehow a lace top and pastel BLUE pants is just fine and manly.
Alright! So Kotoba! What's Kotoba all about? Well Kotoba Yori Taisetsu na Mono is the theme song for Nino's drama Stand Up!! (Again, when we have an Arashi single that isn't somehow connected to a Nino, Sho, or Jun project, feel free to die from shock. Since Ohno's on the Drama Train now, I suppose we may have to add his name to that list as well. Aiba, please get cracking on that "Ode to Pain By Carnivore" masterpiece we all know is in you.)
Stand Up!! places Nino in a very simple neighborhood, hence the look and feel of this PV. The exact plot of Stand Up!!, however, we will get to in a moment.
First we must address something that takes place in this video that is very, very important. Life changing even.
Sakurai Sho kicks Ohno's ass.
I'll let that sink in for a moment.
Yes.
Sakurai Sho just kicked your ass.
This sort of behavior demands only one response...
TURF WAR!
Arashi-ku isn't big enough for two idols! Luckily for Ohno Satoshi, he has control over the food side.
And an army to do his bidding. Whatever that bidding may be.
The citizens of Satoshi-chome are very loyal.
Leader Ohno weeps at the sight of even mere children rushing to bare their bodies in his name.
Though...that's probably the repressed memories of his first meeting with Nino coming up...
Sho: I will fight back with my own army!
Sho: ...wonder where you get armies...
Sho: ...maybe Aiba would be my army if I promised him free yakiniku...
Sorry, Sakurai Sho.
Aiba runs the neutral part of town that serves anyone in need. He can't take sides. And, beyond that...
I'm sure at some point in Arashi-ku's future, the war will be less about owning turf and more about owning Masaki. He's just a pretty damsel waiting to be distressed.
And besides the fact, neither you nor Ohno have factored in the greatest variable here.
Nino owns the whole town.
Ohno: I'm out-
Nino: It's okay, they can have their little turf war. I don't intend to join in.
Nino: Why expend the energy when I can just sit back, watch them take each other out, and then have my minions swoop in later to claim all the leftover goods? It's the cheapest way to shop and my minions know how to discern freshness in cabbage.
Old Minion #1: Eviscerate the prophylactic!
Nino: I said pick out good produce, not disembowel condoms...but, whatever works for you.
Naturally, we would be remiss if we didn't bring up the fifth figure in Arashi-ku.
...who naturally runs the Fashion Block...
Ahem. This would be, of course, the first appearance of Blonde Jun at PVS. There have been other times in Jun's history when he dyed his hair. But there is only one stretch where he went blonde. And not just blonde, but Farrah Fawcett styled blonde.
Like Ohno in A.Ra.Shi, it's a bit like looking at a completely different person. And thus, we should not refer to such a vision as Jun.
Instead, we shall refer to him as Junnifer.
Except, as anyone who has ever been named Jennifer will tell you, Jennifer is way too bland for someone as fabulous as Matsumoto Jun.
Instead, we shall refer to him as...Junniphur.
Not to be confused with Jinnifer of KAT-TUN. Cough.
Junniphur, the town tease.
Junniphur: Really? I told all six of you Sunday at 2? Whoops. On the other hand, this way each of you only has to pay for 1/6th of dinner...
But let's get off the turf war, because it is fairly obvious that Kotoba's PV is not about an Arashi turf war.
Though, imagine if it were - a PV about Arashi Turf War, what that'd be like...
Okay, don't strain yourself over it, boys.
There's only one Emperor Neenotine in town, after all.
Although...
Well, let me take a moment out to discuss what I lovingly refer to as Team Cut-a-Bitch. (Team Matsupi, from D no Arashi, only works when they're in super dork mode, which seems to happen less frequently these days. I suppose someone in the higher echelons of Johnny's realized that Dork Jun and Dork Nino together for too long would only result in the demise of the whole universe from too much AWESOME. If you don't believe me, do yourself a favor and look up episodes 108 and 113 of D no Arashi, where they imitate, freely, late night Television Shopping programs, and episode 115, where they try their hardest to get each other killed, arrested, thrown out, or otherwise punched in the nuts.)
Back in...oh what was it, their 04/05 series, Arashi no Waza-ari, there's a clip where Jun and Nino go play paintball and it results in Nino being a standing target while Jun basically gets to shoot the crap out of him. You must wonder, if Nino is Emperor Neenotine and rules all with an iron Cut-a-Bitch, granted quietly, then how is MatsuJun still alive given that MatsuJun's favorite expression of affection is to lovingly maul people like Clifford the Big Red Dog on crack? I theorize that Team Cut-a-Bitch need each other; Neenotine needs his Darth Fabulous to do all of his bidding and thus must endure the occasional misguided DoSing.
Though if I'm going to carry this analogy out to its logical conclusion, that would make MatsuJun the "muscle" of this outfit, which, ouch on Nino's part...
Team Cut-a-Bitch: What was that?
oo I didn't say a word.
Back to the real topic at hand - Stand Up!!
Here is the plot to the cinematical piece known as Stand Up!! Nino, YamaPi (another member of Johnny's Entertainment), and Oguri Shun & Narimiya Hiroki (whom I ampersand together because they just seem to pass from one Arashi drama to another) are all virgin high school boys. They do not want to be virgins anymore.
TA-DA!!
So Kotoba is the theme for a drama about the quest for de-virginification.
Which casts suspicion on the real meaning of Kotoba the PV. After all...
I went to the school of Penny Lane, where keeping a fire engine clean really means something else (and if you're not familiar with the song, don't worry about it - just know that my brain really really wants to make something of the fact that they keep showing up with dripping wet plastic umbrellas here...)
And then there's purposeful imagery like this.
OKAY so in the language of flowers, the anthurium means "hospitality" and isn't known in classical art imagery as a phallic symbol like the Calla Lily - BUT LOOK AT IT!
LOOK AT IT!
It wasn't put in the video by mistake!
The whole use of flowers must be on purpose, right??
Speaking of which...
The type of flower given to each member can't be accidental either, right? In the language of flower arrangement, the sunflower signifies loyalty and warmth and that fits Ohno. I mean, you'd have to be loyal to lead a bunch that molests your ass every time you sing your debut song for 10 years.
...you know, I'll admit - identifying flowers really isn't my specialty. And I'm even worse when trying to identify flowers from the back. vV But I think those are peonies. They look peony-y to me. So I'm going with peonies.
Which mean bashfulness and happy life. Sure, that works with Junniphur's shyness and ENJOY! motto.
...mum? Daisy? Mum? Daisy? I can't honestly tell - what with the quality of the video and me having a flower learning disability. I'm willing to fudge it that way - mums mean hope and daisies mean cheerfulness, simplicity, affection and innocence - and all of those work for Aiba.
...as long as you don't hand him a phallic looking mushroom, daikon, or anything, really. Although, isn't it even more innocent if a vegetable shaped like a penis makes you giggle like a little girl?
Ah the red carnation! Admiration and love that runs so deeply in one's heart, it burns.
Aka, what you get when Captain Fail goes to the florist to buy a red rose.
And then of course since this is the PV to the song that is the theme of Nino's drama Stand Up!! where he plays a virgin, they slap a big, classic VIRGIN symbol on him. (As we discussed the purity and innocence meaning of the white lily way back in Truth.)
Congratulations, Nino. The Kotoba PV is really about sex and your lack there of it.
Nino: Really? Because I'd take another look...
I get your point, man. The only one here who looks like he's begging for someone to take away his flower is Sakurai.
Sho, honey - don't hold your flower all limpy like that. It looks like it wilted and no one wants a wilted flower.
OKAY FINE.
So maybe I'm making a giant stretch with equating the rainy atmosphere and flower imagery with sexual allusions - they're not fair young maidens after all (except Junniphur).
But I tell you, this is what they were going for! Because on top of all of that -
We get the grainy likeness of home made porn. This cannot be accidental. It really just cannot be.
But before we explore that in depth, I would like to say...
Way to flip off all of your fans in Britain, Junniphur. You saucy tart, you.
Back to the home made porn!
Because, really -
There is no mistaking that.
SERIOUSLY.
(And thus, as I explained before - Neener will never abandon his Cut-a-Bitch subordinate. "Bidding" is being done here!)
JESUS.
How did this PV not sink all of their careers?!?! I mean, really.
(Who needs badly shopped tabloid photos?)
But then the home made porn turns ugly for Aiba Masaki...
No worries, Aiba. While you were slumming it with the granny, nothing really interesting happened. (Besides, we all know that you and "ugly" never stay in the same sentence for long.)
The rest of Arashi just worked out some of the choreography for the next PV.
Nino: That's pretty good, except...why don't we move this...and that goes...and a little to the left...there.
Sho: Is it supposed to be tingling?
Nino, complete with sketchy string of saliva: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
*THUD*
oO What happened?!
Ohno: Stood up too fast - all of the blood rushed from his head.
. . . .
Before we head out, two last things.
First:
I honestly don't know what would be better. To think that this was an accident because Sho just fails that badly and otherwise there would have been a whole umbrella-as-prop dance here...or that it was on purpose. Which is all a bit fluffy and flaily. I'm happy thinking either.
And second, image quality aside:
This may be the greatest cap I have ever taken of Ohno Satoshi. XD
Ohno's rarely seen patented zombie dance.
Which is made even funnier by the fact that apparently Sakurai Sho has to pee. Again.
(You should go BEFORE the PV, Sho!)
Arashi make up for the lack of blow job face lately by getting the locals to join in...
Sho: Men...and Junniphur - it's time to head out.
(well, with that and Ohno's stance back there, I guess this means Sho managed to win the turf war after all...)
And so, Arashi head off into the
Bye bye, all. And don't forget the Arashi motto...
Ohno, Aiba, Nino, and Junniphur: To Sho losing his flower...someday!
Sho: That was unnecessary, I feel...
Sorry, couldn't resist.
And thus, Kotoba Yori Taisetsu na Mono ends...though not like this. Because the last moment of the PV is them filing into the little shack restaurant. This cap is completely out of order, but I felt it worked well considering the start. Stuff that's more important than words, indeed.
Like always, there's a stream to be found because there's so much more fun that didn't cap well. As in, dorky headbanging, violence, and this skirt walking by causing hilarious reactions from hormonal boys - I TOLD YOU IT WAS ABOUT SEX.
Naturally, this installment is dedicated to Zso Zso Check Mah Flow - because it's her favorite PV.
MWA!