Today's installment is dedicated to Nianna - why? Because she was praying to St. Shosus that I would be able to finish in a reasonable amount of time.
Nevermind the fact that it is Sho's fault I took too long this time. No, seriously. I mean, besides apparently causing all the world's problems*, literally it was Sho's fault that I was away from my computer for so long.
* Haven't you heard? Oh, it's so true! I heard from a reliable source. Famine in Africa? Sakurai Sho's fault. The great plague? Sho's fault. Your hamburger wasn't as tasty as usual this week? DEFINITELY SHO'S FAULT. Tsk, Sho. Patron Saint of Fail - thanks a lot.
So, naturally, you're aware by that title up there, the 18th installment of PVS is Step and Go. Step and Go, or for extremely funny and time saving purposes, SAG, was the 26th PV and one in a number of singles that did extremely well for Arashi in 2008. Ah 2008. Good year.
In any case, surprisingly enough, there's an underlying theme to this PV.
They're step and go gonna!
....wait, what?
Well, you get the gist. This PV. It has a lot of stepping.
It has a lot of going.
...wait, you're going to get the wrong mental image from that.
Okay, Step and Go - GO!
Ah, this one's going to be painful, I can already tell...
Alrighty. Step and Go was the first single Arashi released in 2008 and, prepare yourself for this...it had no tie in whatsoever. No drama. No movie. No traveling sideshow of rainbow sparkle antics. Just a regular single that a music group might release to promote their album. It was the 2nd single off the CD, the first naturally being a theme to a drama - but still. Let this not diminish Step and Go's importance. Do you know the last time this happened?
...well Kitto Daijoubu, but that's not the point.
Anyway, given that this is the first single of 2008 and such a momentous occasion, we must naturally make sure all five members made it this far. Oh, I know, we're all fully aware of who is in Arashi by now - but humor me? You just never know - the one PV you decide to skip role call on may be the one PV where Aiba decides to dance completely naked for three seconds.
ROLE CALL! WITH POSES PLEASE!
Ohno "Awesome" Satoshi and his feet.
Aiba "Trippin'" Masaki and his feet.
Matsumoto "Dude, Seriously - Are Your Pants Tucked Into Your Shoes?" Jun and his feet.
Ninomiya "...yeah, we'll get there in a second" Kazunari and his feet.
And of course, Sakurai Sho and his foot.
...with an expression like that, he really doesn't need a nickname does he?
(But to be fair, I could do it. It's going to involve the words "flamingo" and "drunken" though...)
Okay, you're thinking - why all the feet? Well, first off, Step and Go. I'll admit that for some reason this phrase refuses to sink into my cranium. It's like you just said "Processed Baby Food" to me and I in return can only blink and wonder, "What in the hell does that mean?" I mean, duh, you step and then you go.
*blinks*
But anyway, when you think of the phrase "step and go," movement comes to mind, right? So here, says the director of this PV - have some movement. Footage of dancing feet = movement, right? It's a pretty smart cop out, really. It does imply "stepping" without actually showing said stepping. And, well...
Recall with Arashi that I always have to use the term "dance" loosely. (To be fair, I suppose I should say with all of JE...point being, I don't recall learning anything that looked like this in 10 years of dance class...boy was I taking the wrong lessons!)
But the real reason for pointing out feet -
Now when you see all the footwork, you can keep track of whose feet you're staring at. (Ohno! You astound me! So graceful!)
Stupid crap this like is important, don't you know? XD
But back to Step and Go as a PV. The video does everything it absolutely can to keep you from seeing Arashi do a proper dance routine. First off, no actual choreography for them - everything is freestyle. Secondly, most of it is shot extremely close up, with a lot of slow motion.
Ohno could have been in the middle of prancing about like a Dutch Milking Maiden with Cute Cute Skirts! and you'd never know. Clever bastards. Playing with speed and size makes just about anything look purposeful.
But why? In 2008, this shouldn't be necessary, ala A.Ra.Shi. We know every dance number falls somewhere between completely hilarious and actually good, so there should be no need for cover ups.
Though, I think the reason for this is that the SAG director...well, I think he must think like a fangirl. It's not so much a cover up as it is a hierarchy of priorities. Why do choreography, which every other video has, when you can indulge in:
Shots that render photoshop skills useless!
1/3rd of this video is just ready-made wallpapers. All someone needs to do now is slap a slightly pointless quote and ARASHI! in swirly letters on it and BAM!
Though that's not cool, Director-san. Now what will fangirls do with their spare time? (Oh please don't answer that. I stay away from fanfiction for a reason. It's not that I don't appreciate your efforts to capture the underlying psychology of what it would be like if Sakurai Sho were to milk a panda with the loving guidance of his bandmate Aiba, ala that pottery wheel scene in Ghost - it's just that I like being able to see...)
And after sharing his fanworks, Director-san's second priority is -
Making sure you see the pretteh! Those other videos without extreme close ups? You miss this sort of definition.
Alas, good intentions and all...Director-san, you left the focus in the same spot for the entire shot!
I know when I tune into the newest Arashi PV, all I'm really hoping for is Ohno Satoshi's face to look like I've just had 12 beers. My dreams - they have come true!
It does help give you a sense of perspective though, no? And that's all Director-san was trying to do. He knows what you want and he was just trying to give you the best psuedo-face-to-face Arashi experience possible.
Case in point - clearly MatsuJun's been cleaned up here. I know this because I should be able to find at least 5.5 identifying MatsuSpots and not a single one can be found.
So, you know - best experience possible! Except...
This is just taking photoshop too far, I think. At a certain point it's not going to get any better, team, so maybe you should lay off the blur?
....awhn. The Bitch Face Cap already? I don't know what to say - I thought for sure I'd have to get in at least two strong face jokes before Bitch Face Cap made its appearance!
(Also, can I just say? A MatsuJun missing 5.5 identifying MatsuSpots is not a MatsuJun worth having...)
Rolling, rolling on!
Step and Go is kind of broken up into two teams, vocally - and thus, PV...ally. *cough* So we've met the A Team, Ohno and MatsuJun. And let's all take a moment to be thankful that they're both pop idols and not brain surgeons.
A Team won this year's gold medal for International Synchronized Divaing, after all.
As you might have guessed, if there's an A Team, that must mean somewhere there's a B Squad.
Ladies and Gentlemen, your B Squad.
They only placed 4th in the International Synchronized Hoover Impression competition this year. Aiba just can't get his dismount right.
But yes, the B Squad!
Blessed with Beauty!
Brains!
An- wait...is that a yellow cape on Emperor Neenotine's nape? A Ladies' Fashion Bug shirt and a yellow cape? Our knife-happy little Nino is wearing a yellow cape?
Not a shock to anyone who has seen the PV before - but even if you've seen Step and Go a hundred times, a yellow cape on Nino makes just as much sense as "Processed Baby Food."
What is it? How did it get there? Why Nino? This makes no sense - someone please explain!
Well, as always, I live to inform you of what's really important and it turns out that reading a particular interview from late December 07 reveals the truth behind Nino's cape.
He was totally drugged and dragged to this PV shoot.
NO. I AM SERIOUS.
HAVE YOU SEEN HIS FACE DURING THIS PV??
Nino was clearly out of his brain the entire time. Out of his brain and forced to perform, like some illegal soft core film!
Nino: mehmm.....
Nino: bwuh? mmmm muh?
Nino: P....V?
Nino: catfish.....dance. Dance?
Nino: DON'T TOUCH ME THERE!!
Pretty cut and dry if you ask me.
Of course, the real question is, who would be stupid enough to drug and then kidnap, of all people, Nino?
I don't want to start a rumor, but...
Back to that conversation I had in Kotoba about only one retarded puppy in the whole wide world able to maul Nino and get away with it?
PROOF!
No, it's very unlikely that MatsuJun was behind this. For one thing, I'm not sure why, but MatsuJun just strikes me as the type who, if he were to drug and kidnap a bandmate and then dress him in a yellow cape, would then spend the entire PV poking said bandmate like one might poke a beached jellyfish.
Also, it isn't just Step and Go the PV. The whole Step and Go era saw Nino in some interestingly feminine attire and hair.
...which this is not really a good example of, but look how pretty he is. XD
Point being, apparently there is someone higher up than Nino in the chain of masterminds.
Someone Nino should never piss off.
Someone who clearly works for wardrobe.
Although, you know...
It's not like someone in wardrobe put a gun to his head and made him do this on television, so...mystery!
You are one hot little minx there, Ninomiya. (Someone buy me his outfit and haircut?)
But back to explaining the video!
Guess what? They're gonna step and go!!
No, seriously, guys. That's really all there is to Step and Go. It's all ready-made graphics, pretty close ups, and dancing around dancing. There is nothing else to it and it's nearly 5 minutes long. I do not know what else I'm supposed to talk about here.
Aiba: Well, make lemonade with lemons. Showcase some of the pretty shots?
Yeah?
Aiba: Okay, that's not what I had in mind...
Sho: Ohh, then the dancing aspect!
Sho: There are still some clear examples of our freestyling! We worked really hard on that part - people should see it!
Okay, Sho. I'm not against that idea. Considering that you had to make up your own moves on the fly, I don't mind spotlighting what little I can.
Here Ohno demonstrates your classic "It's in my pants!" move, as Sakurai looks on and wonders why this move never works for him. I mean, he spent a good half-a-day miming every crotch gesture he saw. Why does it never seem to be in his pants? What is he doing wrong??
Sho: okay okay okay. I get your point, ha ha. There's nothing to really show after all.
Six years worth of study, Sakurai Sho brings to you...FLAMINGO!
Sho: Okay, no, really. Time to stop. I got your point, ha. Dame.
Does this one even need captioning? You're dancing - not pretending to be Ssuper Ssecret Agent Ssho!
Sho: *sigh* nevermind...
Awhn, Sho. You made MatsuJun laugh himself fuzzy.
Honestly freestyling, and freestyling in a format where the video is often slowed down and shot very close up, sort of limits what can be done. It sort of creates this interesting gap effect. Do you know about gaps? That's basically where there's a gap between characteristics - qualities that seem incongruous? Well Step and Go provides a dance gap because every performance of the song that I've seen has been littered with detailed and interesting choreography. None of which you'll see in the PV.
I mean, the jacket swirl here is actually kind of cool, but after, say, the fourth time, it gets old.
At least it's better than this, though:
...I have no idea what possessed anyone involved to think this was a good idea. (First off, I'm just going to say that the landing will most likely not be pleasant, given the angle here.)
When MatsuJun asks in the making of Step and Go if anyone's done a jump yet...uh, this isn't exactly what comes to my mind. Probably not what he had in his mind either, honestly.
PV Attempt to Get Underwear on Television, Part 2 - DENIED! MatsuJun will just have to settle for getting his underwear on tv a bunch during one of the performances.
(My apologies to all who clicked and were rewarded with a face full of MatsuCrotch. It was necessary to make a point, I swear.)
So, because of this dance gap, in certain performances of Step and Go you'll get serious Ohno ass shaking ability:
And the PV is merely reduced to serious Ohno ass RUBBING ability:
By the way...
Ohno's butt roll up there really cannot compare. At least he's not totally stapled at the hips like Aiba, Sho and Nino. But really - next time in you're in an argument about Arashi and someone pulls the "MatsuJun is completely talentless" card? Show them this gif and say, "Some talents are just not readily apparent."
And then follow with, "If you think that's amazing, let me show you Ohno's butt rubbing ability from the PV!"
MatsuJun: Do you want to kill her, or should I?
(Oh, but I could watch that gif all day...)
My favorite gap of all, though, occurs during the SakuRap for Step and Go.
SakuRaps perhaps do not get the credit they deserve? Sakurai Sho, the epitome of gap - we all know and love his fail and yet he's capable of some pretty impressive work. I suppose when we think of his rapping lyrics, we laugh because, well, first off - rap. Secondly, you can't not bring to mind such gems as "Yo check my flow" and anything uttered in All or Nothing, despite the fact that he didn't write that one.
But in all honesty, Sho is actually talented at this schtick. First off, ask anyone who has ever tried to translate his works about his level of vocabulary. Secondly, the rhythm is generally quite good...which is funny given he seems incapable of dancing on the beat most times. XD
The rap in Step and Go isn't the most complicated one, but it may be one of my favorites. Sometimes songs are made by what Sho contributes. For Step and Go, the sound drops out so that all you have is a simple harmonica, some percussion, and Sho.
Step step and step and go - it's uttered four times and each time, a new voice is added. The words are reinforced incrementally, building this great crescendo until WHAM! The music comes back in full force as Sho goes off and - it's amazing.
It's like a wave crashing into you.
A wall of sound.
A giant gust of wind blowing you back.
And best yet, it makes me want to sashay.
Does it move you, Arashi?
Do you want to sashay?
Ahem. I offer you ultimate proof of how utterly awesome the Step and Go rap section is. Things really don't get better than Arashi sashaying.
Thus, Step and Go live > PV. No contest. None at all.
Okay, actually, some contest. You back that thing up, Ninomiya.
Who knew that if you got Nino drunk he'd break out in ghetto booty?
Nino: Squirrels! OHH!
Or maybe I should say, if you get Nino drunk and then do as you please while filming him...
To be fair, they may have drugged him and kidnapped him to get him into the cape for the PV, but he wasn't the only one getting the soft core treatment here. Someone must have seen the initial shots with Nino and realized, hey...this technique gets some pretty good results...
Aiba: Wait...what?
Sho: GASP! We were drinking out of Nino's tea this morning!
Ohno: What are you doing...down...hey-
MatsuJun: You're not soft core porning me.
(Can I admit that when I made this cap, I laaaaaaaaaughed for a very long time?)
Nino: Actually, it's not that bad once you get used to it, really.
THEY'RE GONNA STEP AND GO!
Sho: Hoooooooooo!
Ohno: HOOOOOOOYA!
Oh god, they even got Aiba! Who let this sex tape out? Their reps will surely be ruined now! Arashi, slipped something in their tea and then manhandled on film like wieners at Oktoberfest! The carnage!!
...can I confess that when I made this cap, I laaaaaaaaughed for a very long time? XD
At least we can be fairly certain now that it was in fact not MatsuJun behind Nino's abduction.
And subsequent constant molestation.
Though that really doesn't clear Ohno or Sho, does it?
Sho: Hooooooooo!
No, we're off that now, Sho.
Sho: Just a little bit longer? Pleeeeeease?
No, for Nino's sake, I think we better stop. I don't think he can take much more.
Oh Step and Go. Who knew you were such a dirty, dirty little PV? Porn faces, abundant!
Well, that should pretty much cover the entire video, though. Random graphics, no real dancing, pretty face action, and Arashi violation with a particular emphasis on Nino.
Aiba: I have an idea! Let's go out on the pretty face action then!
Great idea Aiba! Alright, everyone - use Step and Go to your advantage and leave us with some pretteh artistic shots!
...that's okay Nino. Close enough. We all know you're not in control of your own body at the moment.
A fact which I am sure your fellow bandmates will not exploit with bootleg video in case you ever try to dominate them in the future.
Poor Nino.
Don't fuck with wardrobe, folks.
And thus, that's Step and Go. It's not what I'd call the most engaging PV - but at least it was something different, right? I think how you take Step and Go overall depends on your particular outlook in life.
You can take it like this:
Or you can take it like this:
....I have no idea what that means.
(Step and Go - either a refreshing blow of beautiful air, or a violation of Arashi's privates? This PV WAS directed by a fangirl!)
There you are folks.
Step They're and Gonna Go.
There are many things that you can find on the streaming sites. You can see the PV itself. You can see many performances of the song, which I would recommend because as I said - performances offer so much. Like watching Sho having to count the beat on certain moves (I think I giffed it but it ran away!) You can even find the making of Step and Go which has tons of amusing things. Ohno loses a bet; Nino video games; MatsuJun can't figure out why dogs don't like him as he tugs on a dog's cheek; Sho gives out presents; and Aiba Masaki is gorgeous, which is always reason enough.
MWA!