*as endorsed by Academy Award Nominee Kazunari Ninomiya
Anyway, oops. I think I made a mistake starting with Lucky Man, because apparently that's the PV in my collection with the best quality? I wasn't going to go with Sunrise Nippon this time, but my other planned PV was driving me nuts by not producing clear quality
So, Sunrise Nippon we go.
This is their 2nd PV song, though 3rd PV (lest you forget there were two versions of their debut video), which means after their "Look at us, we're Arashi!" PV for A.Ra.Shi, they needed a way to better introduce the members to the potential fanbase.
We're talking 2000, here.
Do you remember how lame you were that year?
(Answer, pretty lame. Trust me)
So how does this PV start out?
With our cute little teens sleeping peacefully...
18 year old little Sakurai "Angel Face" Sho
16 year old little Matsumoto "Only Getting Three Hours Sleep a Day" Jun
17 because his birthday's on Christmas Eve Aiba "My Dreams Smell Like Fried Rice" Masaki
16 year old
and
19 Ohno "Peroxide on my Eyebrows is not my Friend" Satoshi.
BUT WAIT!
You've been led astray!
Arashi's no lame sleepy in a diner type group!
THEY'RE AN EXPLOSION
So Sunrise Nippon really starts when we get outside, to where the dancing lives -
BTW - in case you've forgotten in the last three seconds, this song has SUNRISE in it.
(It's a Products Can Trust *nods with authority*)
Though, let's not knock the dancing too much because, for a bunch of kids -
sprouting wings and flying without stewardesses is pretty impressive.
It's been almost 10 years since Arashi debuted, and some things have changed since 2000.
Ohno stopped letting his mom cut his hair.
Nino's face matured greatly in ten years.
At this point in Aiba's life, he didn't even know he HAD a lower half, let alone that it responded to touch, sound, and jam.
Sho-El wasn't as good at hiding his secret identity and his disdain for mere mortals.
And MatsuJun started out small.
(...see the past PV post in reference to blowjob face veteran for joke)
But what hasn't changed is the amazing dancing!
Some pretty impressive stunts!
Like the synchronized conga line up into Ohno's ass.
Sunrise Nippon knows where it's at, though. A simple glimpse of your soon to be favorite idol doesn't give you enough time to really get to know him.
Thus, the PV offers this handy little guide:
Sakurai Sho = mother fucking pimp. For reals.
Aiba Masaki = fun loving sports enthusiast.
Ohno Satoshi = tortured artist.
Ninomiya Kazunari =
Matsumoto Jun = big, fat, flaming nerd.
You can tell by the massive amount of books and glasses and horrifically nerdy clothes!
Though, I feel like Arashi owes me some money. Here I watched this video and got to know MatsuJun the super nerd and then he turned around and tried to act like he's the "cool type."
You big liar, you.
One day MatsuJun looked down and noticed his trousers were aflame.
MatsuJun said, "Oh, is this because I'm so hot?"
No.
It's because you lie.
Liar.
Moving on...
As Arashi are PRODUCTS CAN TRUST, we can, without question, know from this video that these five boys are ghetto, street, thug.
Nothing more hardcore than a boy band, especially when it has a member or two whose balls haven't yet dropped...
But wait! says Ohno Satoshi. If you peg us as these types, we'll forever be confined to them and suffocate artistically. I call for revolution.
Ohno: I will defy your stereotype - I will be a suffering artist and a suffering NON-artist!
Ohno: Revolución!
Sho: I can dig that. I'm still a hardcore mother fucking pimp and the last son of Rap-ton, but I love a good revolution.
Sho: Révolution!
Aiba: yeah! Down with whitey!
Aiba: Revolutie!
Nino: I could stab a bitch?
Ohno: That won't be necessary
Nino: k. In that case -
Nino: Viva La Revolucion!
MatsuJun: I shall ascend to the zenith of my emancipation by symbolically surmounting the embodiment of my oppression!
MatsuJun: Viva Myself!
Oh MatsuJun...
You failed so hard, Nino crapped his pants.
But Sho-El gives you the big GOOD JOB!
And thus starts what I think is a pretty good dance sequence in terms of choreography and execution. Because I took so many caps of it, it'll be extra small though.
It starts with a little gay chicken posturing from Sho and Jun.
Then the hip hop equivalent of scissors.
Those that know me best realize how my sternum quivers at the sight.
Then some pop/locking moves that DIDN'T LOOK RIGHT BACK IN '00 SO WHY ARE YOU STILL TRYING TO DO THEM TODAY EH?
And then the part that while kind of cool, cannot be performed without looking incredibly stupid:
Unless your name is Matsumoto Jun or Aiba Masaki
When children look stupid doing dance steps, we call it precious.
Not bad, eh?
While we're talking about dancing, though, it's worth noting that for some reason, they keep putting Sho and Nino, the two worst dancers, in front:
Ohno sacrificed his reputation in dance just to spare himself from the rampant Aiba x Jun love fest going on behind them:
Their gay dorky love cannot be denied.
What we have to realize is that, while they have grown up some, essentially these boys are the same guys, nine years later.
Naruse didn't just come out of Ohno's ass...
Nino didn't start living under my bed, kicking the boogey man to the curb, in hopes of terrorizing the ever loving crap out of me yesterday...
Aiba didn't...uh...you know, I have no comment about Aiba. Because mocking him is a bit like poking a bunny with a pointed stick. That, and you can only make so many jokes about his love for his own penis.
Aiba: my love for nipples, however, will never get old.
We take a break from comparing the once and future Arashi by telling you that Sho-El is still bored by you mere mortals. Begone from his sight.
And at 16, MatsuJun has the ability to make me feel like a pedo.
...WHAT?!
HE HAS PRETTY EYES. 8|
That haven't seen sleep in fourteen days.
They're still dancing, btw, in case you forgot.
But now, Sunrise Nippon draws to a close. We've met the boys, we've learned about their personalities, we've seen how they've grown and changed, and how in some ways they haven't.
We've seen them dance.
We've seen them laugh.
We've seen them gay.
We've seen them dream and aspire for a greater future:
Aiba hopes that one day he can be as cool as Sho.
MatsuJun hopes to one day develop a super power that would allow him to sniff out any camera within a 100 meter radius and immediately make love to it.
Nino just thinks about how he's going to stab me later for posting that last cap of him, where he looked like he might still be pooing over Mr. Viva Myself Pants there.
Ohno dreams of...
...the day when Aiba won't hit him in the nuts during dance practice.
And Sho?
Sho just wants to know love.
...of showtunes!
And of course
Search for Sunrise Nippon on YouTube to watch Sho-El in action.
This post brought to you by Ohno's House o Flapjacks. Remember, if it ain't Ohno's, then it isn't lip smacking good pancake you're eating there. Also? Nino will turn up his nose at any non lip smacking good pancake and suggest you go to Captain D's instead. He heard the Hush Puppies there are excellent.
MWA!