Shock and surprise, we come back after that Double bender with some humble beginnings. Very humble beginnings. Kansha Kangeki Ame Arashi (which is like a basketload of fun to say, I might add) was the 5th Arashi PV. Keep in mind, though, that when I say that, I count both A.Ra.Shis as 1 and 2 - so really the 4th single PV. Still very much in the infancy of Arashi.
BWAHAHA, MOCKING CHILDREN IS FUN!
*cough*
And so, we start in a field, which is interesting, for our 21st installment of PVS. Do the lyrics have any particular meaning or theme that would make a field the perfect setting?
Kansha Kangeki Ame Arashi is all about becoming stronger because of the storms you have to face, so...unless they directly encounter a tornado or rabid dairy cows, my guess is not so much.
Back when Arashi were still kiddos, there was a lot of love in the air. I know having Ohno and Nino lean on each other is nothing new nor scandalous to Arashi fans (and for non-Arashi fans, you can't tell which three are technically female anyway).
What is scandalous, though...
Is that this whole love fest is going on and it has absolutely nothing to do with Aiba Masaki. (Also, Jun? Want to not be up Sakurai's ass there? You don't know where he's been!)
You're kidding, right?! Of the entire group, the one you exclude is Aiba?! Did he do something wrong? Are you just jealous of his pretty? Are you guys smoking something?
Hmm, perhaps it's best that I don't ask. It won't end well.
By the way. After 20 PVs, you're probably a fan by now. And you're probably aware of the stipulation that comes with liking Arashi. I mean of course that, if you join the Arashi Army, you have to recruit at least three other people.
But this is rather difficult, no? Oh sure, there are those who understand the beauty of crack and appreciate Arashi for being Arashi. But if they're going to take the world by storm, hur hur hur, our group needs to have some merit that is obvious to those on the outside. We all like them for good reason, but aren't there times when you wish you could go to a Musicality Gunfight with more than an Arashi Toothpick? (Read: "boybands" never win.)
Ohhhhh - isn't there something out there that is so universally impressive that it convinces the rest of the world to get over their presumptions of what "good" music is and thus see Arashi for the talented group that they actually are?
Yeaaaaaah - whatever that something is? Kansha Kangeki Ame Arashi the PV is NOT IT.
Sho: ...are you saying there's something wrong with my third favorite rap pose?
Such words will never leave my mouth, Sakurai.
I like watching you feel yourself up in the name of rap.
That is to say, Kansha Kangeki Ame Arashi isn't a song that is necessarily unimpressive or embarrassing. For one thing, I think any Arashi concert without Kansha Kangeki Ame Arashi should be classified as unfinished and it would then be completely lawful to go drag their butts out of the yakiniku place and back into the stadium.
I must now take a moment out to say...I think there's someone outside of Arashi singing on that single. I can't be positive, but the first part of each verse starts with Ohno (with Nino, the PV tells us, and I'm willing to believe it); the second part is done, supposedly, by a combo of Aiba, Sho, and MatsuJun. But if you listen to it, there's a strong mature voice in that mix leading them through. XD; You know, there's no telling, really, with some puberties, but I'm pretty sure that's a studio pro helping out. XD
But the PV itself - yeah you won't win any fights here.
Part of that is due to the fact that a good portion is devoted to the beloved spin cycle o' PV. You know - where they're all in a circle and the camera spins around and around and around? ...and around.
When we're not rounding about in the pastures of...round about-ed-ness *facepalm* ...we do get to spend some one on one time with each member. Don't forget! Early PV! The benefit of the early PV is the reintroduction! JE wants you making an informed decision when selecting your breed of idol to worship!
And so they all appear in appropriate scenes within the pastoral setting. It's kind of nice, actually - the environments reflect their various personalities quite well.
Ohno Satoshi - he's a chill kind of guy. He's relaxed. So he's out in the serene comfort of the natural.
Drop him off in the middle of nowhere, somewhere out in the country, and that's just fine by Ohno Satoshi. Ohno Satoshi does not feel the need to make his way back into the city.
Mostly because Ohno Satoshi has no idea where the hell he is. Ohno Satoshi does not know how to get out of the flowerbed, let alone back to the city.
Ohno Satoshi wonders how his bedroom suddenly sprouted flowers, but quickly decides that he really doesn't care and goes back to chilling. Ohno Satoshi's mom will just weed everything later.
Perhaps no big surprise to find Aiba on, what looks like, a farm with a playset for five year olds.
But I will refrain from asking about the significance of having Aiba's personal space be something so empty...
I like to think of it more as "wide open," which is fitting. After all, does an Aiba not also have deep thoughts? Does an Aiba not wonder about life and love and the meaning of the universe?
Aiba: I wonder if that was rain or if a squirrel just peed on me...
Nino of course is in a much more isolated and dark setting. What is this place? Is it a warehouse? A recycling unit? Some place off the wharf?
What it is is a place to dump the bodies afterward, duh.
Oh what, you think I'm a little too tinhat and cruel in my assessment that Nino is in fact capable of much harm once crossed? The producers and directors are on my side, folks.
For the love of Ohno's secret sauce powers, they put him in a sweater with guns all over it. Or he picked it out himself. Doesn't matter - THE SWEATER DOES NOT LIE!
This is not the face of someone you hand a knife to, comment about his "five year old girl" hairstyle, and then turn your back on, you know?
NERD JUN! Oh, you're back! I'm so excited, it's been several PVs since I've seen you! Oh glorious day to have back the MatsuJun who storms the world like a librarian! Stay with us, always, NerdJun. (NerdJun? MatsuNerd? MatsuDork?)
Well shut my mouth and call me Ohno Satoshi - NO. WAY. Does that hoodie say what I think it says?
VIVA?!
Viva!! what? Viva!! WHAT?!
Viva Myself? Viva Plastic? Viva Junico? Viva the 19th century Macedonian uprisings?!?!
WHAT, MAN?! VIVA WHAT?!?!?!
...oh. Viva Mexico. That seems so normal, it's kind of a let down.
On the other hand, I am 99.76% positive that you're wearing a girl's hoodie.
Ah! NerdJun! Don't be sad!
I confuse powder puff blue, small-sized, girl-cut hoodies with bubble lettering on them for menswear all the time! Easy mistake!
And then in a fantastic fit of irony, we are introduced to Sakurai Sho on a basketball court. Because, if you're not aware by now, Sho fails at most sports.
If you somehow thought otherwise, you have been lied to.
Sho: I don't know that I can make the basket from here, honestly...
Other way around, Sho. The goal's back there.
Sho: Hmm, this doesn't seem any easier, honestly...
You gotta jump, Sho.
Sho: I did it! I did it! I scored a point!
No, Sho, you have to put the ball in the b- ...you know, nevermind. It's kind of a miracle that you reached the basket. I will not ask for more. *applause*
Hey, while I'm making fun of Sho...
And, you know, why would I ever do that? (Ahh, the third variation on his favorite rap pose - the point! Wow, we don't get to see the crotch point often! This is kind of a special day!)
Anyway, could someone answer a question for me?
Why does Sho always have to pee during PV filming?
Sho: We like to think it adds a bit of danger to our PVs. An element of risk, if you will.
Not necessary. Really. But thanks for answering.
By the way, back to the peedance gif. When you watch the entire PV later, you can see Sho jiggle his way through the pressure on his bladder while they're in - DUN DA DUN - a circle!!! Never gets old! Also, I'm sad to say, I just realized something. I cut the gif off right before you see MatsuJun's super mega amazingly uber diva hands. Something to look forward to!
Moving onto the next train wreck...
Selling is about image, clearly, especially when what you are trying to sell is a group of five young guys. Thus, you sort of have to do what you can to make everyone look their best. However, there seems to be this habit in Arashi videos of only focusing on the eyes. Sometimes it can be used to dramatic effect, but honestly I think it's used more to smooth out a few imperfections.
The eyes look great! The face though...let's soften it up a little and no one will notice.
Except Ohno Satoshi just went from having some lingering baby fat on his face to looking like that one aunt everyone has.
And really - you're making things worse here. Blurring out half of his face won't make us forget that he has one. Seriously - this was the one MatsuJun cap during the entire blurred out stretch where I didn't go, "GAH! *shudder*"
Oh but there is something kind of amazing about MatsuJun in this PV! If you'll look at this cap here (in the circle!!) you might notice...
NerdJun has red hair. Not just the auburny brunette coloring that everyone seems to be infatuated with (Arashi goes countryside and tries to get in touch with their Irish roots?) Such a hue in of itself is kind of rare on MatsuJun - but check out the streak of actual red hair.
Sho: AHAHA! Can you believe this guy? Really? A red streak? AHAHAHA!
Oh Sho and Aiba. I hope you both have good body guards. Or at least insurance. Acute senses and long term memories, anyway...
In any case, it is clear that the blur was slapped blindly across the frame regardless of mouth condition. If it were based on individual weak points, they wouldn't have missed Sho's
I mean, Nino has no real reason to have this mouth blu-
....you know, if the police ever randomly decide to search my computer, they're going to stumble across all of these caps of Nino and I'm probably going to get busted for child porn.
Nino: No, officer, I don't know why she asked me to take my clothes off...
Nino!!
Nino: She told me if I didn't pose like that, she was going to tell everyone bad things about me...
I swear, Ninomiya Kazunari - if you get me into trouble... This isn't some sort of payback for what happened in Truth, is it?
Nino: Of course not - I'm not that petty. Would I really do something like that?
Nino: And that's when she touched me in my special place, officer...
NINO!!!!
Of course, there's always one person who needs no blurring whatsoever. Wisely, they saved their money and just forwent the effect on-
Aiba: Ugh.
Aiba: Let me guess - Aiba Masaki is always gorgeous? Don't you have anything else to say about me?
Aiba...you are always gorgeous! I can't help that!
But I see your point. You have other assets, merits, qualities. There's more to Aiba Masaki than just a pretty face.
Aiba: That's right, I do have othe-
Aiba: . . .
Aiba: I have a lot more than a pretty face! In my pa-
OKAY - that's enough out of you, thank you.
I can't say for sure why Arashi start leaving their individual environments later on in the PV. These settings are really comfort zones and going with the theme of the song, one must leave comfort and face hardship, but be rewarded in the end?
WITH MORE CIRCLES! AHAHAHAHA. Seriously - never gets old.
What is with the damned circles?! I understand that in theory everyone would get equal face time, but it just makes them look like they're all there trying to be inconspicuous during a deal...
Nino: You got the stuff?
Sho: Yeah, I brought it...
Nino: You brought the good stuff this time, right? No more of the cheap crap?
Sho: Of course I brought the good stuff. I only produce the highest quality rap...
My instincts say run, Nino - run away now while you can...
Also, Sho, my apologies for picking a cap that makes you look like you have a runny nose...
I cannot tell you what the purpose of this part of the PV is. I mean, I thought I had something going there with the concept of personal comfort zones and having to face the world and how it makes you a better person - and maybe I could even work with the idea of circles!
But what all that has to do with posing idoly like in some warehouse...
With the fixed soft focus strip back as well. (Or, really, did it ever go away?)
Which sucks if your face sort of doesn't need any more distortion...
Or if you're short since that basically means blurring out your entire face.
Honestly, Ohno, why'd you even sing this song for them?
The warehouse, though, signals the best part of the PV -
The dancing bit! YAY!
Dance, Arashi, dance!
Arashi Dance Party Times!
Ah, I could watch that forever, if it didn't make me slightly ill. (Quick, turn on your music player and see if they dance to the beat!)
The sad thing is, that gif is actually not as fast as the PV itself. Well, I might exaggerate - but inexplicably, the dance portion of Kansha Kangeki Ame Arashi is hilariously sped up. So, you know, if the constant spinning circle, MatsuJun's junior misses sweatshirt, Sho's rap posing, Nino's gun sweater and the omnipresent blur didn't convince you that this is not the best PV to use to recruit to the fanbase, then perhaps you'll get the message with a little speed dancing.
Alas, no! Speed dancing leads to runaway dancing! This sequence is a mess! You guys don't look like professionals at all - noooo!
Ohno Satoshi, do something! Your troupe looks more like they spent two weeks in a glue factory rather than five years in the jimusho!
Ohno: Hang on, I'll take care of this.
Ohno: Alright, guys - let's show off what we can do. Hit it.
Aiba: Bam.
No, Aiba, that's not really all that much be-
Nino: Bam.
No guys, you're not getting it. This isn't an-
Sho: Bam!
That is not even remotely close, Sakurai. No you gotta-
Aiba: Bam.
Aiba, hang on-
MatsuJun: Bam.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS THAT?!
Nino: Bam.
OH MY BENZ, WHAT-
MatsuJun: Bam.
MAKE IT STOP. MAKE IT STOP!!!!
Sho: Jajajajan!
*SCREAMS IN HORROR*
Ohno: You wanted to see what we could do...
Have you turned on me as well, oh Ohno Satoshi?
Ohno: That's what we learned in the jimusho for five years - if you didn't want to see it, you shouldn't have asked.
Sho: ...she criticized our dancing?!
Ohno: If you don't appreciate it, we should just leave.
Sho: Hear that guys? We're heading out! Everybody get ready!
Arashi: *WHOOSH!*
And off to greener pastures...
Oh no wait, before that -
Ah, the much anticipated return of Kamen Rider Neenan! The second season of Kamen Rider Arashi must be on its way!
Oh...looks like Kamen Rider Junchan went through some changes during the off-season, though. Guess I'll have to rename him...
I shall call thee, Kamen Rider Bitch Pants!
And so, Arashi wrap things up in the field again...
Where their dancing has not improved any, I might add. (The flight must have worn them out...)
Ohno: Augh, man, what's wrong with your rap? *cough* It smells like poo!
Sho: Ahahaha, I can't believe he actually took it! He took the rap!! That's been sitting around for months!
Nino: *sigh* burned again...
Meh, to hell with outsiders who don't see the appeal of this group. We like Arashi because they're Arashi.
So, good night and sweet dreams, Arashi - and Kansha Kangeki Ame Arashi.
I've heard there's a Tube and it has videos - just think, you have diva hands that need to be seen!
MWA!