Back around #5, We Can Make It, I decided to do all the PVs. It was only going to be a select group that I liked before hand. And so, I turned to my friends, the only people reading at the time, and I said, "Which PV would you like to see me do next?" And the overwhelming answer was Happiness.
Okay, sure, no problem. Wait. Wait. Problem. PROBLEM.
The problem, of course, is not the super close up of Sho's squish butt in these pants or even that we begin with Sho's squish butt and Nino's...Nino Butt. (Sorry Nino, your ass is not inspiring any particular nomenclature.)
The problem is that this shot of Nino and Sho's asses is probably the clearest cap of the entire bunch. How did this happen? How is it possible that Happiness, released in 2007 in conjunction with Sho and Nino's drama Yamada Tarou Monogatari making that previous cap especially appropriate, has such poor quality? I can get A Day in Our Life in 15,000 colors, but Happiness at best is a copy from tv? The simple answer is that obviously this PV was not released as a DVD extra on the single. But reality and simple answers be damned.
Admittedly, I did not get into Arashi until May 08 so I came in already spoiled on getting every file possible six different ways. Thus, I am forced to conclude that the relative blurry quality of PVs like Happiness and We Can Make It, both from 07, indicates a greater boom in both technology and Arashi fandom in 08. And here you thought PVs were just a means to watch pretty boys - we can use them as archeological tools! Look everyone! This is what culture was like all the way back in 2007! Those in university in classes related to sociology and archeology - submit a proposal about understanding society through old PVs. Trust me.
But short story long, that means the only copy of Happiness that I've seen circulating is almost Wish level ick quality.
Arashi: Does this mean...no Happiness PVS???
I considered it. I considered putting up the first cap and then stating, "Just go watch the PV." (As that in of itself would be funny.) But no, even in crap quality, I can't not cap a bajillion images looking for the one second where
So! Happiness PVS - ONWARD!
Arashi: Maji de??
Yes, yes. For reals. With sauce. Let's roll boys.
Although...I do have a little bit of bad news...
Arashi: Bad news???
Yes. Apparently...catering shortchanged us. We're out of pudding.
But...I'll go out and grab some later?
The power of pudding.
Also, thus begins the onslaught of Arashi flashing the devil horns at us. (1) I'm not entirely sure why Arashi is doing this, as Happiness is a happy, bippy little song and not really what I'd call the type of rock song where you'd expect to see someone shooting the horns (though there is a nice riff at the beginning that recalls old fashioned surf rock...which...has nothing to do with anything).
What I'm trying to say is, when you see this gesture in Arashi, it's usually accompanied by MatsuJun trying to pass himself off as an actual rock star (read: certain solos that burn your flesh when witnessed). (2, 3, 4, 5, 6) And since there's nothing about Happiness that suggests pretense of "coolness," I don't quite know why it's so prevalent.
But they do it out on the patio during morning cocktails (7, 8, 9, 10) - and hey, points there for incorporating a shaker, FabStyle.
They do it in the backyard. (11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)
They do it in a house! They do it with a mouse! They would do it with a fox, they would do it in a box!
They do it with flair!
They do it with complete lack of irony! (17)
Or not! I have no idea! It's Happiness everyone! Just go with the flow!
The flow, in this case, is in a particular setting. As you might have guessed, the plot to Happiness is Arashi spend the day together alone in a house - shenanigans ensue! Sweet, sweet, blissful shenanigans! There's no way you'll ever convince me that Happiness in general isn't somewhat inspired by or at least coincidentally reminiscent of my childhood love, The Monkees tv show - but I promise I won't go into that here.
Seriously, think of the possibilities. The five of you are on your own in a house, fully equipped house, for the day. There are so many things you can do! Think of it as a giant sleepover! What could be better than that?
Nino: It depends on whose house we're in, you know?
I catch your drift. No worries, Ninomiya, King of the Quick Cut. I happen to know that the itinerary has many alternatives to "Cultural Appreciation with Sakurai Sho."
You guys can play basketball, or other sports.
Have a barbecue in the backyard!
Sho: Practice calligraphy!
Uh, yes, that too.
Fun Fact: that character means donuts! Some have tried to tell me that no, it means "happiness" (thanks Yume!) but, seriously - what are donuts but cakey sponges of happiness? Never let it be said that PVS isn't a valuable education tool.
You could also play fun games like Simon Says.
Aiba's good at that game. He always wins at Simon Says. A fact which everyone in Arashi does not in any way take advantage of whatsoever.
Or, if Aiba's tired of "winning," there are others...
Like...Find the Penis!
Aiba: I don't get it...
Don't worry, Aiba. It's a really easy game to pick up. Trust me - you'll know how it works when you start playing.
Just an infinite number of things five males could do when quarantined to a house. It'll be a great day of fun.
Sho: EUGH - the hell! This isn't lemonade!!!
An infinite number of things five males can do...just, keep in mind who's included in that five? Certain members and boredom don't mix well, if you get my gist. I advise that you keep everything moving along.
MatsuJun: We're playing with Nino now!
Sho: No, no, no, no, NO! This was supposed to be a fun get together and not a systematic conquest of each member!
Sho: We could all take turns composing haiku and award cushions to the best ones!
Rest of Arashi: booooring.
Indeed. Rampant molestation it is!!
Sho: Well...when in Rome, right?
I must ask myself - will there ever be a PVS without molestation jokes? Perhaps, but certainly not today. Happiness was built on a foundation of bad touches and devil horns. Sprinkled with crack. I mean, take a bunch of goofballs, give them props, tell them to do whatever. This isn't like freestyle dancing where they'll just end up embarrassing themselves - this time all the silliness is on purpose.
And that makes my skewering job particularly pointless. Seriously, you should just watch the video. Every frame is so jammed packed with its own parody... However, it is also jammed packed with activity - you hardly know where to look. So maybe I can help there!
Though why would you pay attention to anything but Aiba amused by his own anatomy? Aiba amused at his own anatomy always trumps Ohno weighing what looks like 53kg, Nino laughing at Aiba's junk shaking in his face, MatsuJun also laughing while amazingly not falling off of his stool, and Sho. Sho who is working with an imaginary speed bag in the background, before he gives up and just starts flapping like a bird. (The imaginary speed bag was winning!)
There is something worth noticing besides Ohmiya's pet session here, though.
And that's just how much the other three are egging them on. Ohno and Nino don't give fanservice; they give SakurAibaJun service.
Only when Aiba's dancing can he feel this free - at night, he locks the doors where no one else can see! He's tired of dancing here all by himself - tonight he wants to dance with someone else!
...dancing isn't the only thing he apparently does when he thinks that no one's looking...
Aiba: I was just trying to find my tickle spot like MatsuJun told me.
I'm sorry, what?
MatsuJun: You know, the tickle spot? That spot everyone has where they're really ticklish? Aiba was getting bored, so I showed him how to find it. Here...
*cough* Oh what? Was this cap picked especially for some insidious purpose?
MatsuJun: I can show you where Riida's is...
MatsuJun: Almost there...
Sho: I found Nino's tickle spot!!
MatsuJun: And there we go - see? This is a lot of fun!
Sho: A lot of fun!
Nino: THAT'S NOT MY TICKLE SPOT!
Ohno: That's not mine, either, Jun...
MatsuJun: . . .
Aiba: Sleepovers are fun!!
Aiba: I don't get why I have to find my tickle spot by myself, though.
It's okay, Aiba; you'll be back to playing Simon Says at some point. If not, I'm sure MatsuJun will help you once he's done rava- er, finding the plastic toy dog's tickle spot.
MatsuJun: Oh ha ha, finding the plastic toy dog's tickle spot. That's really cute.
Personally, at this point, I'm a little scared of letting you near the real dog, Mr. Raging Puberty #14.
MatsuJun: Excuse me? Raging pu- wait...you can do that with real dogs?
NO. NO YOU CANNOT. GO BACK TO GETTING OUT YOUR LONELINESS ON SOMEONE WHO DESERVES IT.
Ah, that's much better.
Seriously, though. I think the message we should take away here is that Happiness is...the physical display of affection. The rampant molestation? It's everywhere.
It overflows into the performances.
The dog even gets in on the action. Let's hear it for showing your love!
Can I get a doot doot doot dance?
Thank ya, Sho.
(Sho learned just one trick for 2007. I want that trick back. Doot doot doot dance for next Prime Minister!)
ALL HAIL THE FREE EXPRESSION OF LOVE!!!
Aiba: Sleepovers are fun!
MatsuJun: YES! Done! I win!
No, it's not a race, Ma-
Sho: Rematch - LET'S GO!
...okay, so it is a race.
Poor Aiba. Too much sleepover. He's tuckered out. Go race somewhere else, boys.
But don't forget, there are consequences too, you know.
...aaaaaaand too late. Given what was going on in the previous frame (Ohno Satoshi putting his ear to Ninomiya Kazunari's abdomen)...
You can only draw two conclusions. 1) Your middle school teacher lied when he or she said that men don't have uteri; or 2) the digestion of that cheeseburger is going well - oh so well.
Strange, out of all of Arashi, Nino's the last one I would have picked to get pregnant or eat a cheeseburger.
Funny as that is, I like more what's going on to the right...
SAILOR ARASHI! (18, 19)
Sakurai Prism Power! Masaki Twilight Flash! In the name of the Yakiniku, they will punish you!
I love that Happiness is so special, they imported a rainbow for it.
Now, I haven't much discussed Happiness the single yet. As mentioned before, it was the theme song for Yamada Tarou Monogatari. It was also the first single off of the Dream'A'live CD and is incredibly notable for one thing.
It has no Sakurap.
But shhhhh, no one told Sho. He rapped for the video anyway.
Sho: Gyudon!
Ohno: Tonkatsu!
Sho: Sukiyaki!
Ohno: Nikujaga!
Sho and Ohno: YAKINIKU!!!
Ah. Boys. Doing boy things.
Yes, this ends just as well as you imagine.
Even through fits of laughter (and perhaps a broken rib), ever the professional group, Arashi continues to sing. (20, 21, 22)
Sho: ...hey, I think...
Now, Jun. It's not nice to tease Nino like that.
Sho: yeah, yeah! I did! I actually won!
Sho: ahahaha, yes, I'm excited too! Yay!
Sho: ahhh, we're all so excited because I won. I've never won before.
Sho: ho-hold on, I don't think this is a completely appropriate way to celebra-
Poor Sho. No deed goes unpunished. Especially in a tense game of Monopoly.
Sho: *sitting gingerly* I think I'll hold off on playing Monopoly for a while...
Nino: you'll hold off on sitting normally for a while, too. That'll teach you to put a hotel on Marvin Gardens!
Oh, careful there Nino.
Sure, you'll continue living life normally and will never be denied the yellow properties again. But just remember...
Revenge is a dish best served with Aiba.
...and a trumpet.
.......and some pickles.
Also?
It takes very little to convince Fabby to help out...
It's a Jesus Off, y'all! (23, 24, 25)
Winner - Ninomiya by a pickl- er, Nino!
And so, Happiness draws to a gleeful end. (26, 27, 28, 28.5)
Of course, not without an extra farewell good luck...tickle spot finding.
For those who have seen the PV before, you may be amazed that, despite the fact that I talked about nothing BUT wut wut in the butt, there is only brief mention of all the Ohno and Nino activities. If I had a laser pointer, I probably would have just made Happiness into a slide show with captions of different tree names. Which also would have been humorous. But alas, laser pointer doesn't translate over the internet well. Maybe one day I can give a gallery exhibit demonstration of just pointing out caps of Arashi in compromised positions. (Wait...this is actually genius! Quick, someone call the Metropolitan Museum of Art!!)
Thanks, boys!
And thus, the conclusion to Happiness...
....which indicates that somewhere there are five shirtless guys running around. Correction, if you were paying attention earlier, you know that this assumption is wrong.
Because once Aiba takes off his shirt, his pants aren't staying on for long - so four shirtless guys and one totally naked Masaki. Where's the PV for that?
Now, as always, you can find Happiness on a streaming site and watch until you've seen it so many times, you know the exact moment when Jun throws his maracas in the air (warning: not a euphemism this time, sorry.)
But you can also look for many live performances of this song, and that's just as entertaining. Just be very careful when you do that.
Some performances have nauseating lights. (29, 30, 31, 32, 33)
Some have nauseating pants. (34, 35, 36, 37, 38)
Interesting placement of the logo, Music Station. But really, it's Aiba's painted on red pants that break my brain here.
And some just have Nino doing that. (39, 40, 41, 42)
Which when combined with the doot doot doot dance is rather lethal.
Happiness - it's the gift that keeps giving. Just when you think you've seen every little nuance, every little goofy bit, every stupid performance...that's when you realize that I only managed to count about half of the devil horn instances. Project!
Seriously, hunt down some of the performances - some of the most entertaining choreography that they've done. The Aiba alone is worth your time - all hail Shag Aiba!
MWA!