It occurred to me when rereading through past installments of PVS (which makes it sound like I'm totally vain and spend all my spare time lovingly gazing at my well crafted "Nino likes to stab things" jokes...) that I like to reference current events in the Arashi world. Which makes me semi-topical, hooray!
It also makes me sound terribly uninformed seeing as how these webpages don't contain dates; pfft, Arashi's latest PV is Truth? That was so 7 PVs ago.
So, my newest addition to the individual PV pages -
Originally Posted: August 17th, 2009.
Moving forward!
The 24th PVS! A bloated PVS. But rightfully so.
And what would cause the water weight gain? The 29th PV in the history of Arashi, Kaze no Mukou e.
First, a little preface.
Kaze no Mukou e was NTV's Olympic theme, so it played umpteen million times during the Beijing Olympics and was released on a double-sided single with Truth. If you've been keeping track, Step and Go was on the Dream 'A' Live album, One Love coincided with the release of the Hana Yori Dango Final movie, and Truth was the theme for Ohno's drama Maou.
In short, Kaze no Mukou e is part of this new period in time when Arashi released a buttload of singles without a real studio album to host them. Personally, I sort of feel like this string of homeless singles also reflects an increase in musical quality (not that Arashi's previous efforts weren't sometimes amazing; just compare a sampling from the old days, let's say Jidai and All or Nothing, and a sampling from the "current" era, let's say Believe and Kaze no Mukou e, and tell me that these boys haven't matured and somewhat earned the right to pass themselves off as a musical group, even if it is sometimes just a matter of selecting better song writing teams).
Long preamble is long! Give us Arashi! We have waited long enough!
And thus begins Kaze no Mukou e!
The premise for this PV is very simple. Lots and lots of spinning. Ah yes, our friend, the spin.
It rather makes sense, though. Back to the fact that this was NTV's Olympic theme, what's more appropriate for the Olympics than the symbolism of a circle? And furthermore, what's more appropriate for the song; what's beyond the wind and the rain, beyond you and me? A cir...cle. Hmm.
Rather, not a circle, but...
Aiba's budding career as a runway model.
So much spinning is to be had that I literally get sick about 30 seconds in. I have extreme affection for this PV, and even more for the song itself, but wow. Symbolism is great and all...
Because of that fact, there's not a lot to dissect in terms of PV theme. Normally I'd get a little bit deeper into the PV analysis before I turn to this sort of thing, but Kaze no Mukou e leaves me no choice. I am forced to address one very glaring and prominent clothing oddity instead.
Nino: You wouldn't dare...
Sakurai Sho's pants.
They are practically painted on. I don't know how he breathes. Or walks. I want a behind the scenes special because I'm pretty sure he didn't sit once during the filming. Not that I want to get this image stuck in anyone's head, but my guess is that he put his balls in a storage locker during make-up.
Nino: Sho's...pants?
Nino: Oh is that all. I thought you were referring to something else.
Well, we do need to address your yellow underwear.
Nino: Well actually that's my undershirt, but that's fine. Let's talk about my yellow shirt - or you can even call it underwear. As long as you don't bring up Mats- I mean-
MatsuJun: What about me?
Nino: Nothing, I didn't say anything. I didn't mean to. Just, let's not talk about it.
Aiba: Whatever you do, don't mention it.
MatsuJun: What is it, exactly?
Sho: Please, we're begging you - don't bring it up!
Ohno: Do. Not. Say it.
We have to deal with the fashionable elephant in the room, boys. Besides Sho's criminal pants and Nino's suspect secret yellow (and while we're at it, why does no one ever complain about what Ohno's wearing in this vid?!), there is the Poncho Vest. I have no idea why people hate it - I think it's awesome. Okay so it looks like he put on a bathrobe incorrectly, but it adds flair!
Maybe because I see it less as a poncho murdered for the sake of a vest and more of a Roman thing; I'm all about the Roman thing. (Tempestatem diligo!)
So. Know what that makes you, Fabby?
MatsuJun: Not really, no. Are we still talking about Sho's pants?
Poncho Vest makes you Roman, Caesar. In short - the Emperor Fabulos.
MatsuJun: Werd.
(Small Latin trivia time - the adjective fabulos means legendary; the noun fabulus means bean. Use whichever spelling you find most appropriate...)
MatsuJun: So, if I'm the Emperor, that means I can, like, demand tribute and stuff, right? I can ask for anything I want.
MatsuJun: Like, like, like....melon balls!
MatsuJun: Hee, melon balls.
MatsuJun: Meeeeelon baaaaalls~
MatsuJun: WERD.
Nino: whyyyyy?
Aiba: Yeah, thanks a lot.
Ohno: You just had to bring up the Poncho Vest/Emperor Fabulos thing and now he's going to spend the rest of the PV talking about melon balls and it's all your fault.
MatsuJun: Sweet, sweet balls - balls of melon!
Nino: I hate you.
Guys, I think you're mistaken here. You've forgotten your Roman history! Oh sure Fabulos Cinaedus here can obtain all the melon balls in the world, but he has to work for you! He has to give you what you demand! If you don't like an Emperor, then it's death.
Nino: I'm a fan of the Poncho Vest, myself, really.
Nino: Hmm, I can demand anything I want...what should I ask for...
Ohno: I know what I want!
Ohno: To be reinstated as the ruler of Hell!
Nino: ....pu *shudders*
Nino: Fine. If you ask to be reinstated, then I'll ask for your early retirement.
Ohno: Touché.
Ohno: Okay, then. I will ask the Emperor Fabulos for a sandwich!
Nino: As long as it isn't a hamburger sandwich.
Aiba: Ooh ooh, hai hai. I have a request!
Aiba: I would like something cool and refreshing to eat - like a platter of fresh fruit with strawberries, pineapple, and maybe some melon balls.
Emperor Fabulos: No.
Sho: I know what I want to ask for.
Oh, you have some favor in mind, Sho?
Sho: I do!
Sho: It's...uhm, it's...
Sho: Uhhhhhh....
~Sakurai Mental Image-o-Vision~
Sho: Um.
~Sakurai Mental Image-o-Vision~
Sho: Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuh...
~Sakurai Mental Image-o-Vision~
Sho: Hoh.
Nino: Are you implying-
Sho: Hoooooo yeah....
Sho: Come on, Nino. Don't knock it until you try it.
Nino: I don't want to try it! Not during a PV anyway!
Nino: Won't someone think of the children?!
Aiba: Just out of curiosity, what exactly are we talking about now?
Sho: What do you think we're talking about when I rub my pants and make happy faces?
Sho: Soft fabric, of course! Everyone should own a pair of soft pants, they're so comfortable!
Nino: Pass on the soft pants - I think I'd rather go back to discussing the merits of the Poncho Vest.
Emperor Fabulos: Melon Ball Sexy Tango!
Nino: I hate my life.
Oh, well, while you're incapacitated for the moment, KazNeener, let me continue. There are, actually, a few things to point out about Kaze no Mukou e besides the eternal spinning and questionable wardrobe.
First off, if you watch the PV, you'll notice it's full of these 1 second blips where a lot of action takes place in a whirlwind (HA, WIND IN A SONG USING KAZE). Well! Surely those blips are full of adorable antics that zoom by too fast for you to see, right?
Alas, no. I capped every bit of them and found that they are just recycled film from other parts of the PV. That makes sense, though - why waste good, new footage on an effect? Turns out a lot of Kaze no Mukou e gets recycled throughout the PV. Those Arashi fellows. So conscious of their environment. Making "green" sparkly since 2008.
This is not a cap from one of those blips; I just couldn't resist the pose.
Oh, and, the Neener might play guitar in the PV too, or something.
Nino: Hmph. The Neener plays guitar, not important at all. Grumble.
The PV also uses the old trick of superimposition to give a little more meaning to the words. For most of the video, we're confined in the circular room; aha, but now through editing magic, we blend into the vast sky, the beyond.
I find that to be a gorgeous shot.
Nino: Oh come on! You're going to write a book about superimposed clouds but you can barely mention my guitar playing?!
Sho: It's so beautiful. The sky. And having soft pants.
Emperor Fabulos: Wow, I brought the sky indoors? I'm pretty good at this...
Ohno: No, no, it's through the magic of editing. Emperors can't move the sky - but they can make sandwiches!
While we're on that subject, Ohno...
Ohno: Ha?
Yes. You need that sandwich. Stat.
Look, I try not to get too preachy on what is essentially nothing but a parody site, but when it's all said and done, PVS is my soapbox and I'm going to stand on it. Ohno was sickly thin during this filming. Kaze no Mukou e was shot around the time of Truth, which was during his drama, Maou. I don't know if they wanted him to be very thin because it made his character all that more disturbing or if Ohno was seriously stressed out about his first leading role in a television drama or if the gravity of the subject matter got to him or he was just overworked or what. But Ohno Satoshi was not a normal weight during this time. (According to Himitsu no Arashi-chan, it was around 40 kg, or about 88 lbs. On a guy who is 5 foot 6 at best. Ideal weight for a male 5'2" is at least 51 kg.)
For Aiba's sake, his fellow Arashians referred to him as "Plasma TV."
I don't think Ohno looks at all well in this PV; he rather looks sort of scary.
Rawr. Run and hide, Tokyo. Skinbagzilla wants to eat you.
I'm bringing this up because there's this weird trend going around right now of people insinuating that at a more normal weight, he's too fat. He's too tan and too fat.
Well, I won't argue about his skin care practices and personal preference is none of my business, but seriously? Let's face it, any of these boys would have to gain a substantial amount just to be considered slightly chubby. If you think otherwise, you might have some perception issues.
Or, maybe you don't. Maybe you just delight in calling Ohno by his other name: Burnt Panda.
But he's not alone! Oh that Arashi! All of them, fatties! Like:
Chunky Fried Fail Chicken!
Shiv Hippo! (Shiv Hippo~)
The Fabulous Tapir!
And of course, most importantly...
Double-Shot Heifer!
Aiba: That's really quite rude, don't you think?
I know. If I'm going to call anyone here a virgin female cow, I don't think it should be you, Aiba. Just saying. And hey...
Double-Shot Heifer or not, you're still your amazingly gorgeous self. The others, not so much.
...well, okay, even though I just argued that never again should Ohno Satoshi return to the way he looked in this PV, here he is actually looking not horrible. But Nino...
...looks pretty good in his touched-up, rainbow sparkled shot. Yeah, but that Sakurai Sho...
...looks tired, but has a very endearing expression. Well. So much for that. I know they were all busy at this point and looking kind of thin and ragged; I was going to continue listing the merits of avoiding such disasters, but the special effects folks have gone and sort of ruined my evidence. Oh well, have some pre-
AUUUUUUGH. Certain people should not be photographed that close.
Emperor Fabulos: Off with your head.
Sorry! It's just not terribly flattering!!
In any case, let us think back to the beauty that is Kaze no Mukou e, leaving the ugly literally behi- I mean, the ugly business of discussing idol weight and the pressures of society and not anything else, I swear.
The song comes to a close and we're left with the enduring message to push ourselves to the limit so that we can all be better people.
Some things should just not be done in pants that tight.
Sho: You're just jealous because you didn't get soft pants like I did.
Sho: If the Poncho Vest makes MatsuJun Emperor, then my soft pants make me King!
As you wish, King Squish Butt.
Awhn, even I'm bad about it.
I really don't want my last image of this beautiful song to be Sho derp-derp-derp hopping along in skin tight soft pants. Fabulos?
Emperor Fabulos: Understood. Jyan.
Nino: Some Emperor. Can't fulfill simple requests unless they involve his ass getting some screen time.
Emperor Fabulos: You know, it's not too late for me to give Riida his position back in Hell...
Nino: All hail Emperor Fabulos!
And that, my friends, is Kaze no Mukou e.
Now, a little searching on some streaming sites will reveal unto you both the actual PV (take dramamine before you watch) and the Shounen Club Premium clip I used for the gifs (and it's a performance worth watching, despite the dangerous scarf of Sakurai Sho - it frames his skin tight genital area all too well...)
MWA!