It's time for another PVS! Why?
No Reason!
This Coke bottle of charm would be the 14th Arashi PV, Hadashi no Mirai. And normally with a PVS, or at least the 28 PVS installments before this one, I like to give a little information about the video in question. So here we go: Hadashi no Mirai was released in 2003; it was Arashi's second double-A single (paired with "Kotoba yadda yadda ya"); and it is one of the few songs in the catalog that served as a campaign jingle for a product rather than the theme song for a drama or movie.
Having said that...
Are you serious? This is an official Arashi PV and you guys couldn't find better scans to use than this? That is what Google is for! (I was alive in 2003, I know Google existed back then! There are no excuses!)
The horrible scan quality used in this video is the result of one of two things:
1) Johnny said, "Hey, if you're going to use my boys to sell your product, then you have to pay to use their image too, even though this is their promotional video and by having their song tied to a product they stand to make money anyway." And thus, the producers couldn't afford to purchase better shop photos. OR -
2) The pictures were purposely chosen for their resolution to make them look more like "pop art," which ties in to the product placement nicely since this is all about a soft drink.
The second option would be kind of cool, but I can't help but lean towards a third, unspoken option: finding nicer pictures takes time, time is money, we already spent a fortune buying these boys flowers for Kotoba yadda yadda ya.
Third option it is, especially since I can't think of any connection between fishbowl perspective, home porny shots and soft drinks.
Aiba: Please buy Coke? PLEASE!
Could it be? Have American companies lost millions in revenue by not having more commercials feature Aiba in compromising positions? "Buy Coke! Or the Blondie gets it like the rapper did! ...in the butt!" Thousand dollar profit, that.
Honestly, I am patiently waiting for the day when someone has the brilliant PV idea of giving each member a camcorder and then cutting them loose. Stop courting the home porn, Johnny. You seriously could save so much money by axing things like directors...
The cheap effects can go too, though these waves were probably used on purpose to further remind you, in case you forgot, that Hadashi is a theme song for Coke. Coooooooke. COCA-COLA. Original Coke, Diet Coke, New Coke, COKE.
MatsuJun: Eugh. I wish I had a Pepsi Nex...
MatsuJun: I...tai.
Coke is a brutal mistress, Fabby. They won't dare pay to get decent pictures of you to use in this PV, but don't think they won't shell out the necessary funds to graphically bitch slap your ass into the next era if you bring up Pepsi Nex again.
Here, have Ohno about to throw a pillow at you!
Why?
No Reason!
So, without any real story line to latch onto here, I think I want to try something new. I think Hadashi no Mirai is the perfect opportunity to get in a little Q&A.
Nino: Depends on the question...
Okay, that's fair. Let's see...something that I've never seen covered in an interview before that would appeal greatly to your fans. I know! What do you like to do when you take a shower?
Sho: Wash...myself?
Nino: Besides that...
Right - like, some people love to sing in the shower, some people brush their teeth, etc. Maybe some of you practice lines! This could be very interesting for fans to hear, so, Ohno, why don't we start with you. Is there anything extra you like to do in the shower?
Ohno: Some times I like to think about self defense - practice some moves. Fangirls are getting scarier by the day so it's good to stay flexible.
Ohno: HADOUKEN!
Hmm, may I suggest hiring a bodyguard? Let's move on - Nino, how about you? Do you like to think about lyrics or something?
Nino: Honestly, I'm not terribly comfortable talking about this particular topic.
No worries. Just pretend you're showering now and do what you do naturally. No talking necessary!
Nino: ...you really want to see that, huh?
Sho: What do I like to do in the shower besides wash my body?
Sho: I work on my daily affirmations. It's good to remind yourself every day that people like you and that you do a good job.
Sho: P-people like me...right?
Aiba: Is this thing on? I've never done this before...
No, Aiba, it's not-
Aiba: Hello? Is it on? My name is Aib- are you sure it's on?
No, Aiba, that isn't a camera for dat-
Aiba: Helloooooooooooo?
MatsuJun: *mini-gasp* CAMERA!
CRAP.
Quick, boys, he's got the scent! Oh-chan, do something before he starts forcing his love on the expensive equipment!
Ohno: And what exactly do you expect me to do?
Ohno: You stop him for once!
Aiba: The last time we got between MatsuJun and a camera, Sho-kun lost his ability to balance and coordinate.
Seriously, guys, this isn't about you! This is for the safety of the entire world! Now, hurry and think of something before he realizes the carpet isn't actually made of lava.
Too late...target...lock...
Intermission! Have Aiba's butt!
Why?
No Reason!
Ohno: As I was saying, fangirls are tricky. Sometimes they ambush you, so I have to prepare for that too.
Ohno: OH NO! THEY GOT ME BY THE PANTS!
Nino: Hey, what do you think you're doing?
I asked you to proceed as you normally would in the shower and-
Nino: And I'm doing that.
Nino: But I didn't say you could film it, so back off.
Sho: I mean, people have to like me because I'm popular. I'm at least as popular as Toma...right?
Aiba: Let's see...I like sunny days, meat, people laughing, animals-
Aiba: I loooooooove animals.
Aiba: Kangaroos make me dizzy, though...
MatsuJun: So, this one time, Akanishi and I were in this neighborhood park-
SHO ON THE FLO'!
Why?
No Reason!
Ohno: ITAI ITAI IT'S NOT NICE TO GRAB A MAN BY THE PANTS, YOU KNOW?! STOP CHECKING ME FOR FRESHNESS!
Nino: Ohh, that's much better...
Sho: I have to be more popular than Toma - I have a weekly news show...
Aiba: And I like chicken meat and cow meat and pig meat and-
MatsuJun: -enough. So I took my hand and put it under his-
Ohno: Oh, didn't know I had rip away pants, huh? So sad for you.
Sho: I have a weekly news show and I know how to rock! I'm way cooler than Toma!
Aiba: And...hmm, what else? Camping, basketball, golf...
MatsuJun: -smacked it, just like that, with eeeeeeveryone looking on. So then he-
Ohno: Now the tables have turned and I'm going to make sure you never molest another idol's butt again...
Sho: And, I had the number one movie in the country last year!
Aiba: ...and...long walks on the beach, maybe?
MatsuJun: -with "Daite daite daite Senorita!" No one knew that really-
Intermission Again! Porn Cam Nino!
Why?
No Reason!
Ohno: You have to resist the urge, even if I stick it out like thi- ...what...what are you doing? Why are you coming towards me with grabby hands?
Nino: YES YES YES!
Sho: NUMBER. ONE. IN THE COUNTRY.
Aiba: Oh, and did I mention I love yakiniku?
MatsuJun: -so I said, "Why officer, are you saying pigtails make me look 14?"
Ohno: *out of breath* It...it always ends this way.
Nino: *out of breath* OH GOD...YES!
Nino: Whew, I thought I'd never beat the boss in level 87...
Sho: It's okay if they don't believe I'm popular...we'll show them who's the best Johnny's and then everyone will know the name of Sakurai Sho...
Aiba: I guess that's all of my "likes." Though I didn't really cover my favorite colors or anime...
Aiba: Wait, don't go! I haven't had a chance to list off my favorite nicknames for celebrities over 40 yet either!
MatsuJun: ..............................you haven't heard a word I've said, have you?
Not a single one, Junniphur.
And thus concludes this in-depth investigation into the secret private lives of Arashi, tune in next time when-
Aiba: Oh, and sometimes I like to-
No. Just...no, Aiba. We're done with that part. ...and even if we weren't, I'm not sure I want to know what that posture leads to. Q&A is over.
And so, in conclusion, if I had to summarize Hadashi no Mirai, I think I'd say it's a PV that delivers a very strong message:
"Buttsechs."
Why?
If you don't know the answer to that, then maybe you should go back and start from PVS #1...
Also?
No Reason.
There is a reason, however, to go find this PV on your favorite streaming site - after all, fishbowl perspective, home porn action doesn't really cap well. And those with barefoot fetishes may want to exploit the full use of the "hadashi" aspect of Hadashi no Mirai. (Psst, if you don't know what "hadashi" means, then look for the one consistently naked body part in this video. If you don't get it in about five seconds, you're looking too hard. Or staring at their crotches. The naked is not there. That's for the director's cut.)
MWA!