WAIT - wait wait wait. What happened to, Kitto Daijoubu is the last high quality one I have blah de blah?
Uh, yeah. So Kitto Daijoubu WAS the last high quality vid I had in the group that I was going to do. Then I decided, this is way too much fun, maybe I'll just do all of them! (Maybe, there are a few that are super boring.) And when I looked at all of my videos, there were one or two high quality in the original ick pile.
Take, for example, today's entry - the video for Pika*Nchi. I originally said no because
1) It took a lot from the beginning of the movie, Pika*Nchi, and therefore bored me.
B) As a video it likes to use THE BLURRY! which is hard to screen cap regardless of quality.
Δ) Other annoying tricks that make it both boring and annoying to cap. However, there were gems to be mined.
And thus...
Let us all keep in mind that
Let's roll!
As you may have noticed, each video essentially establishes individual personality (because you have the attention span of a grape and need to be reminded). Pika*Nchi also does us this favor of re-introducing the boys.
Only, not Ohno, Sho, Nino, Aiba, and MatsuJun, but rather their Pika*Nchi counterparts: Haru, Chu, Takuma, Shun and Bon.
...I think. I took those off of imdb.
Look, really, names aren't so important in Pika*Nchi. You just need to remember them by their archetypes.
Ohno plays the super horny loserly one that hunches a lot.
Ohno: since this is a movie PV, there's a chance I won't be molested and or genitally attacked right?
I guess so. Just this once...
Sho plays a yankee.
...I know, Sho, baby. Try not to think about it too hard. Keio might repossess your education.
Nino plays essentially my best friend from childhood. Slightly delinquent, bleach blonde, skateboards, not incompetent.
Aiba plays the sort of lead, a pretty guy who falls for a pretty girl and then busts his ass off scholastically to get into a university to impress her. Also he jumps on people yelling FLYING SQUIRREL!
Clearly, if you haven't picked up on it yet, this movie is a work of fiction. Ohno doesn't talk nearly this much, Sho is not this hardcore, Nino isn't the leader (though I do believe he would steal condoms, poke holes in them, and then sneak them back into the grocery store), and Aiba isn't the smart one.
Complete fiction.
Well...not all of it's fiction...
MatsuJun...MatsuJun plays...well. Let's put it this way. Remember when you were little and you and your friends used to hang out and there was always that one kid that was okay but you probably wouldn't call on the weekend if your mom wasn't best friends with their mom and despite your moooooooooom protests she'd tell you to take them along and you and your friends all wanted to play in the creek, but this loser whose daddy probably worked in management would say it wasn't a good idea because pollywogs gave them asthma?
MatsuJun plays that kid.
All five characters are, of course, the bestest of friends.
Nino can feel the love so much, his cold stab a bitch heart might just be melting.
That, or he's the only one who passed on the free all you can eat chili lunch an hour earlier...
As I said before, this PV is a pain in the ass to cap because while we get nice still moments, the rest of the time is blurred action, behind the scenes blurred, or parts from the movie itself in a sort of cinescope - which isn't worth capping, really.
Well. I always like to make some exceptions.
I see Sho hasn't improved his technique any since Lucky Man.
Geez, Tey.
A fart joke and a blowjob face joke?
Could this PV Series get any more low brow?
Ohno: you're still going to keep your promise and prevent molestation and or butt hurt, right?
Yes. Geez, Ohno. I promise - no one's going to molested or butt hurt yo-
VV OKAY.
WHO JUST MOLESTED AIBA?!
Ohno: poor Aiba. I know how that is. I feel bad for him... Maybe this wouldn't have happened if I had just accepted that I'd be molested here just like all the other PVs...
MatsuJun: First Ohno. Then Aiba. No ass is safe. Come to think of it...why would anyone go after Ohno and Aiba's ass over mine?
Nino: Ha. You want to know who just molested Aiba? All you have to do is look at his face
Sho: why does molesting Aiba make my ass hurt?!
Nino: because you're not doing it right, Captain Failboat. Here...
Ohno: wait wait, Tey promised no molestation this time!!!
Sho: I see. Molestation does not involve grabbing your own ass in a rough manner whatsoever. I have learned. This time, I'll do it right.
Sho: *takes down MatsuJun*
Nino: there you go, that's how yo-
Sho: *takes down Nino too*
Sho: I am now truly learned in the ways of butt grabbing.
MatsuJun: yeah...that wasn't my butt.
While Nino plots his revenge, let's get back to the video, which for some random reason now decides to give us nice closeups of the boys...with half the picture blurred out.
Why? Why is the picture blurred?
Is Nino giving us the bird?
Is Ohno holding a small comical "Help Me!" sign that Nino doesn't want anyone to see?
Is Aiba trying to press his left nipple to the screen?
Is there a penis waving around Sho Weasley's face?
(For reals - Sho and Ron Weasley - brothers by different mothers!)
Did...uh...*cough* someone want to tell Post Production that they messed up and only blurred half of his face? You need the full thing to sort of take the edge off...
Strong Face jokes make MatsuJun cry.
(Whatever, MatsuJun. I'm the loser listening to Naked right now...)
Pika*Nchi as a PV does one thing better than any other video, though.
It reminds us to thank our lucky fucking stars that these boys didn't have to find jobs else where.
I own a business and I ain't hiring.
Besides
What's better than this?
The. End.
But wait!
That was hardly enough caps! Hardly enough pointing and laughing! We demand more!
Well, okay. Since Pika*Nchi offers little extra for those of us who have seen the movie, the real glee comes from watching their various tv performances of the song.
If you've heard the song, you know it's a little harder than much of the other boy band fare and thus, the brilliant people at Johnny's Entertainment decided that they needed to thug up their boys to really sell the song.
Personally, I think it worked.
I mean, Ohno looks totally street.
Aiba clearly took Cut a Bitch lessons.
Nino- JESUS CHRIST! Whose bright idea was it to tell Nino that he needed to be more thug, huh?!?! It's not like he really needed the encouragement to fuck someone up, you know?!?!
THE GOGGLES! THEY DO NOTHING!
And of course, Sho naturally goes the most hardcore with this new look.
That's some hardcore thug headwrap there.
The real benefit of watching tv performances is realizing that the song is actually laced with English. I have capped these moments, removing the Japanese because god forbid someone read it and think the line actually makes sense, for your enjoyment.
This was much more amusing when I misread it as Safety Word, Safety Words. Though I don't know what a Safety World is anyway, but I can guarantee this is probably the only boy band song you can name that references S&M sex.
Limit Off!
Mack the Knife!
THE GOGGLES! THEY DO NOTHING!
Back to the Beat!
THE MIC! IT DOES NOTHING!
Seriously, though, why do we need to promote this sort of behavior in Nino? Was I not afraid of him enough already?!
Thug Nino...
Making 4/5ths of Arashi his bitch.
Don't you feel like finding the vid now and reliving all the joy that is Pika*Nchi? And the movie, as well, which is probably completely up on some streaming site! If you haven't seen it, I highly recommend for its 300 proof crack rating. If you'll excuse me, I need to walk around yelling, "Yes, yes I do! Oh yeah!" now.
MWA! JESUS!