(No, don't, I don't like them. But Peanuts just seemed like the right word at the time.)
And for the sixth installment, I decided to revisit my claim that Lucky Man is a particularly unflattering video for five fairly to super attractive guys (depending on their age, the lighting, and day of the week).
I haven't changed my opinion, really. It's just that I realized, there's always something to remind you that it could be much, much worse.
What's worse than hosing down idols in shiny outfits in front of balance balls?
The 8th PV - A Day in Our Life.
Have no idea what you're looking at in this picture? 8D No worries, it doesn't get any better!
Normally I like to go through a video in a somewhat chronological order, but there really is no point in trying to keep track of the progression of A Day in Our Life. Instead, you can basically follow the video by looking at the four major themes.
Theme Number 1: Arashi doing super cool and hip dance moves in black and white.
Why black and white? Maybe to balance out the rest of the video...
Or maybe so, with the cuts and randomly swirly effects, you're too busy thinking, "Oh, how artsy" to notice that Sho has this habit of pushing out his jaw when he's dancing. It's the "I'm thinking really really hard about this" face.
But let's not linger on Sho, because isn't Sho mocking so passe now? Videos are supposed to highlight the talent so that you run out and buy their single ASAP.
And thus, to entice you -
Nino offers his foot.
Ohno offers his butt.
And Aiba knows that if we're trying to show off assets here, there's only one body part that he needs to give to get the fangirls to drop their cash...
His left knee.
Cause that's what you're looking at, right?
But to seal the deal (because heaven knows Nino's foot, Ohno's butt, and Aiba's general crotch area are not quite enough to convince you the song sounds good) MatsuJun does this:
...whatever the hell this is.
It might be the set up to his master move, but I'm not sure. Hard to tell with the cuts in this video. Regardless, we do get to see all of their master moves.
Ohno's tour jeté; Nino's breaking; Aiba's gymnastics; Sho's rap dancing; and MatsuJun's...
...worm.
How MatsuJun got to be the master of the worm, I'm not entirely sure. Either Johnny's head choreographer honestly thought it was a superior move and was dying to find the right boy to showcase it, or, more likely, Jun tripped, fell on his face, with his legs flailing behind him, and someone said, "I think I know how to solve our problem..."
I think the latter because I don't know that I've seen any performances involving either the Running Man or the Roger Rabbit... (if you're lost, you were so uncool in the 90s.)
Anyway - behold! MatsuJun's worm!
(Well there's a sentence I should never, ever say again...)
Inspiring, no?
Anywho, that brings us to Theme Number 2. The artsy editing of the dancing kind of works in Arashi's favor. But it only covers 1/5th of the video, while 2/5ths are devoted to this brilliant showcasing:
When one of your members is going through a particularly awkward puberty, putting him face first in dramatic lighting probably isn't going to help.
MatsuJun: What's that supposed to mean?
Nevermind and just continue to pretend you're actually singing in this song, Pup.
Honestly, it doesn't help any of them.
Even normally super pretty in videos Aiba is-
...okay fine, so it is just MatsuJun.
No, no, really - we can all see that Aiba's clearly looked better. This wash-out does him no favors. I mean, in general to make Aiba not pretty in a PV, you have to shave his head and slap him around with a dead tuna - but certainly this isn't his most flattering look.
Furthermore, Nino's a victim too-
...well, if unbridled puberty wasn't enough to scare you...
All the good done by Aiba's crotch shot is now negated by the terror I will feel when I try to sleep tonight and this pops into my head.
And Sho...
Well, even Ohno's done a disservice by this poor art direction decision.
Sho: Wait wait wait, what were you going to say about me?
No, no. I said I wouldn't mock you anymore, Sho. It's passe.
Sho: Tell me what you were going to say!
It was nothing, really.
Sho: Tell me nooooooow
Fine.
I was going to say that this particular lighting doesn't actually damage Sho that much, but like always he himself willingly ruins the shot by being all Captain Failboat, seen here giving the 21 ThunderFail Salu-
Sho: Forget I asked...
Told you.
Let's face it folks, by the 8th PV, we know Ohno's as dangerous as a jelly donut, so there really is no reason to try to go for the scary image here.
After all, Nino's got that covered.
Conversely, Nino's got Ohno covered as well.
Also like a jelly donut.
Ohno: What exactly do you mean by that?
I'm just saying, watch your as-
Nevermind.
Too late.
If you hadn't noticed, we are now on to Theme Number Three which involves the following: nauseatingly insane swirly LSD backgrounds and creepy editing that wipes the boys in and out throughout the song, resulting in traumatic experiences all around. I guess maybe A Day in Our Life would make for a great anti-drug campaign. First off, you could tell children that drugs can lead to surprise buttsechsing:
Awkward puberty or not, Nino said pay it forward and so Ohno's going to pay it forward.
MatsuJun: Okay, really. Why do you have to keep making awkward puberty jokes?
...no reason, really...*cough* Nice hair, btw.
Regardless,
Nino will never, ever say "Pay it Forward" again...
Aiba, meanwhile, is feeling a little left out. He's worried that Sho feels a little left out too...
(He's a giver like that.)
But back to the drug campaign. You could also tell children, don't snort foreign substances because it can have lasting damage on your body and even give you a few unwanted side effects.
Like sprouting a third arm.
Or worse yet,
Spontaneously growing a spare Sho.
Most importantly, prolonged drug use can result in mental retardation:
...so much for passe.
Sho's so going to kick my ass for this later...
Of course, there are good points to this video. Let us not think that it is all worms, awkward puberties, and, "This is your ass after you pass out on drugs."
First off, we must again note -
Aiba can buck bad lighting and be his usual fucking gorgeous self in any PV. Even the swirly colors of doom can't detract from this pretty.
In fact,
Occasionally, the swirly colors of doom reinforce the awesomenitude that is Masaki Baby.
If you didn't know Aiba was the bee knees before, then the holy explosions of color should clue you in.
And furthermore, the digital wiping effect finally allows for Nino's comeuppance as Ohno discovers that it can be used for good instead of evil:
By which, I mean, Ohno gets to molest Nino back.
I know.
I'd feel violated too, Nino.
Right! Onto Theme Number 4, our last motif of the PV!
Ohno, care to take us out?
...I meant, by dancing.
Since, you guys dance, as we learned earlier. And, I mean, what better way to leave a great, lasting impression in your viewers' minds so that when they think of "A Day in Our Life" they understand the serious tenderness of it, the bittersweet emotions in this song about longing for reconciliation with an estranged love?
Ohno: okay! WHOOSH!
. . . . . .
Nino, could you take us out, with the lasting impression for your viewers so that they understand the serious tenderness of the bittersweet emotions of this song?
Nino: gotcha.
. . . . . .
Sho, could you take us out, with the lasting impression for your viewers so that they under-
-never mind.
Aiba?
vv wrong "serious tenderness" there, Aiba.
MatsuJun: I can do it. I can take us out with a lasting impression that conveys the tenderness and bittersweet emotion of our song.
Really? That's great! Oh, and you look like you might be heading towards the end of your awkward puberty too! Alright, MatsuJun...take us out!
MatsuJun: bam.
...I guess that's only fitting, really.
And thus ends the video.
As always, in case you want to see the swirling colors of doom for yourself, consult your local YouTube.
MWA!